Penguins Sweep Series 4-0

My how things changed in a year. I am assuming that the Senators took down that picture of the teams shaking hands after game five of last year. Ottawa never had a chance with the Penguins neutralizing any effort the Senators made. Crosby scored the third goal nailing the stake through the heart of the team. Like Leonidas and the Spartans being killed down to the last man by arrows from Xerxes, the Senators are dead. Fluery had 21 saves ending an incredible fours games, allowing only 5 goals in the whole series. Malkin and Ruutu joined Crosby in the scoring department to advance the Penguins to the Eastern Conference Semi-finals beginning next week. Gary Roberts didn't play because of a groin injury, so this will allow him to rest up and give WDVE a chance to think up more "What Would Gary Roberts Do" bits. 

I Can't Help But Blame Paris Hilton For The Nations Problems.

Paris Hilton has decided to attack the Franken-monster she created known as Km Kardashian. After taking Kim Kardashian under her wing, and teaching her how to be famous for nothing more than a sex tape, she has decided to turn on her. Once Kim began to challenge Paris in the sucking dick department, Paris decided that it was time to make her move. Paris knows that her turkey of a reality show, which involves looking for a new best friend, can't hold a candle to the mindless electrolysis-laden crap that is Keeping Up With The Kardashians. So what does an overexposed, spoiled, heartless, publicity-dimwit to do? Hit Kim where it hurts, and in this case that's her Ass. Yes Paris Hilton has gone after Kim Kardashian's Asssss. On some radio show, Paris Hilton said that Kim's ass was disgusting and looked like cottage cheese in a garbage bag. Paris, it is going to take a lot more than that to defeat Kim's ass. This will be the war of the ages. Kim's ass is more powerful and cunning than you think. You have underestimated the strength and durability of that thing. Did you see Cloverfield? Yeah that was nothing. It's going to take all branches of the United States military, and technological advances in weaponry to come up with something to take down that beast. 

Now not to get too serious on this (I don't think you have read this far anyway), but we are in a national crisis in this country with young girls. I don't want to sound like a conservative, but there is seriously an emergency in this country with women, and I can't help but blame Paris Hilton. She created and perpetuates a way of life that promotes sexual promiscuity, degradation of women, and a demanding spoiled character. Girls are becoming nasty, superficial, trashcans that think they are entitled to whatever they want, and will stop at nothing to tear down any girl that gets in their way. If you look at the women on TV they are horrible people and that is what young girls look up to. Just in the last week I have seen 8 girls kidnap and beat the hell out of cheerleader, and another girl pick up a chair and bash it over another girls head in a classroom. There was the girl on the bus who beat up her bus driver for not letting her off the bus when she wanted, and then there were the girls who said they were discriminated against by SouthWest for being too good looking. I mean come on. I haven't even got to Flavor of Love, and Rock of Love. Even Miley Cyrus can be blamed. She is teaching young girls to crave celebrity and attention. They want the money, fame, and materialism that publicity can bring. It's all about the want. The desire for attention and nice things.  I hope to god I have sons, because I really don't know how I am going to raise girls in this country. 

Rob Lowe Hits An Alll Time....umm...Low.

So that little preemptive strike that Rob Lowe launched against his babysitter Jessica Gibson over on Huffingpost proved to be about as effective as the U.S's strike against Iraq. You see, when you try to beat someone to the punch on embarrassing information that they are attempting to extort you with by suing them for breach of a confidentiality agreement, make sure the information is without merit. You may also want to consider previous indiscretions involving young women, sex, and a camera. One other thing, If the police offer to intervene in an extortion case, don't decline their help.

Rob Lowe has just been hit with return fire by the baby sitter he accused of extorting him out of money to keep quit, in the form of a sexual harassment lawsuit. The lawsuit details a bunch of scum bag incidents taken from Jude Laws play book. Uh Oh. Just to let everyone out there know, when your babysitter comes to you complaining about the ass slaps and groping you may want to pay some attention, or money, instead of publicly denying her concerns. Since Rob Lowe has proven his talent in the sleaze ball scum bag department with that headline snatching sex tape from the 1980's, we all should have known that there was two sides to the story. One being the truth. Lets see how this pans out. I hear settlement calling.

Of course the baby sitter is being represented by scorned-harlot-lawyer extraordinaire Gloria Alldred. Whenever there is any news story getting some extra attention involving a women, a married man, and Southern California (Amber Frye, Hunter Tylo, Paula Jones, Nicole Brown Simpson, Lady who had to take nipple rings out at airport just to name a few), Gloria Aldred rears her ugly head. If you are legally entitled to publicity Aldred will take off the gloves and fight for you, squeezing every headline out of the 24 hour news networks, and bullying her way onto any talk show she can between the hours of 8 P.M and 11. P.M. Aldred is working double time right now because she is also somehow involved with that other headline involving those 8 girls who kidnapped and beat up the cheerleader in Florida. Alldred knows how to get you and herself on TV.

This Weeks CD You Should Buy

I have decided to up the music coverage on this blog. So along with random posts related to music, I have decided to add one CD, album, or recording a week that you should buy, illegally download, burn, or obtain in any other way you can think of.  This weeks music selection is....

Cut Copy - In Ghost Colours

You can read the Pitchfork review here. I have really come to enjoy this band since its 2004 debut Bright Like Neon Love. They kind of fall into that electronic new wave thing that has been going strong over the last couple of years. Many have thought that it would be a flash in the pan, or over stay its welcome, but the music in this vein continues to grow and gets better with age. It helps that the record was produced by DFA's Tim Goldsworthy. Cut Copy kind of reminds me of a cross between Hot Chip and She Wants Revenge, but with a celestial haunting vibe. I am sure there is a more referenced comparison out there written by someone rolling there eyes over my amateur synopsis, so I will let the music critics impress you with there writing ability and musical knowledge. All you need to know is that it is worth your money or time in acquisition. Next week I think MGMT will be my focus. So until then enjoy Cut Copy and the video below for Lights and Music.

The Return of Dina Lohan

Tracy Ullman brought back her dead on impersonation of Dina Lohan on State of the Union last night, I will continue to post clips of this as long as Ullman continues to do the skit. When we last left White Oprah and the "Stay at Clubs Moms" she was discussing Lindsey's troubles, but this time its Ali, and Ali dies. Again, if this video is no longer available it is because you are an irresponsible blog reader!

Here Are Two Words You Don't Ever Hear In The Same Sentence.

OUTKAST, BALLET. Yes OutKast and Ballet. Big Boi of OutKast has collaborated with the Atlanta Ballet to create the performance called "Big". Atlanta Ballet's artistic director, John McFall approached Antwan "Big Boi" Patton at a fundraising event and proposed a collaboration between the two. Big Boi said he had a split-second of uncertainty about a ballet project, but was intrigued by the prospect and quickly immersed himself in the work. Big Boi worked with the choreographer of the Atlanta Ballet Lauri Stallings. 

Stallings said the show is a dream marriage of artistic aesthetics that has been a long time coming -- and in this duality of differences, anything goes. Audience members will be pulled on stage. Dancers will weave their way through the audience. Big Boi and a live band will perform some of his greatest hip-hop collaborations, but the greatest collaborating may be the pairing created by Stallings and Big Boi when Giuseppe Verdi's "La Traviata" is intertwined with "Morris Brown," a cut from OutKast's "Idlewild" soundtrack. Those contrasts -- "physical but sublime, beautiful but ugly, loud but soft," in Stallings' words -- are exactly the feelings this fusion ballet is intended to evoke, both artists said. Big Boi hopes to hype the crowd by debuting his newest single, "Sir Lucious Leftfoot Saves the Day," as the last song of the night. Stallings and Big Boi hope the show, which has received growing buzz in the ballet and hip-hop communities, will help bring together a hip-hop crowd that may not have ever chosen to go to a ballet and a classical crowd that might never have heard songs like "Bombs Over Baghdad." 

One thing that Stallings has said when asked about Big Boi's music that I take a particular liking to was, ""For me [Big Boi's music] sounds like Shostakovich, Stravinsky a little ... just today's Stravinsky." This pretty much sums up why OutKast (In this case Big Boi alone) is without a doubt one of the most ground breaking musical acts in history. They have consistently broken new ground in hip-hop, and have come up with sounds and musical communications that are incredibly ahead of their time, but at the same time accessible to the main stream. Big Boi not only challenges the traditional aesthetics of music, but reinvents what music is and how we understand it. In truth, this collaboration does not surprise me at all, because it was the next logical step in the crazy mad scientist mind of Big Boi. The play opens on Thursday. Lets hope that it is a success so that entertainment mash-ups like this will continue. (Although I have to say that I am some what worried because Idlewild was the only OutKast endeavour that I can say I was disappointed in).

Attention All Catholics: Prepare For a Guilt Trip, The Pope Is Coming!

Put away your diaphragms, and break out the Rosaries, the Pope is coming to America. The Pope is making an appearance in the Washington D.C. and New York to remind all Catholics about how they should be going to church more, and how much their beliefs have strayed from the churches ancient doctrine. Really, he is here, beginning tomorrow, to meet with Catholic Universities ... to make them feel guilty about allowing puriant interests on campus, and to discuss how to connect theological teachings to all aspects of University life. He is expected to visit Boston to smooth over that unpleasantness that occurred. You know that little scandal involving priests and young boys. I am sure you forgot about it anyway. If anything, this will be an opportunity to see the Pope Mobile in all its incredibly awesome glory. Ok, that was all in good faith. I am a Catholic. Please don't contact me Catholic League... I attended 12 hours of marriage classes last week. Doesn't that give me any leeway?