THIS ISN'T CRAZY ...THIS IS LES BOS!!!!

Remember Lindsey Lohan? She is the daughter of the lady who has a TV show and that man who keeps talking about his illegitimate daughter. Well we officially have confirmation (sort of) of her relationship with a girl!!! Lindsay Lohan has apparently  decided to retire from acting (she was an actress right- or a singer- or a drunk girl or something) to become the arm candy of some lesbian DJ. To each their own. If Lindsey was really smart she would have started dating and gotten knocked up by Flavio Briatore. He would have at least bought her a yacht or something. She is really letting me down. She is ignoring her inner Long Island. Lindsey- to stay rich when you've ruined your film career you go after old rich men not young lady-boys. Anyway, On her 22 birthday she said, "I just wanna live a happy healthy year, continue on the path that I've been on and be with the person I care about. And my family." I wonder who she is talking about? Samantha Ronson has posted the above picture on her myspace page. BTW- Its pretty sad when your dads illegitimate daughter aka, your nonfamous-super talented stepsister is getting more press than you. Lindsey's lesbian shenanigans can't hold a candles to the three ring circus that is Michael's manipulation of the press. DNA, Defamation, Gossip leak apology, this guy is his own one man band. I always thought his reality show was the true diamond in the ruff.

Nothing Says Happy Birthday America Like a Gluttonous Hot Dog Eating Contest!!!

How fitting that on our nation's birthday we celebrate and chest thump the excess, waste, and gluttony that has come to define our great nation through exactly that- excess, waste, and gluttony. We commemorate our Independence the one way we know how...with a Nathans Hot God eating competition. Yes brothers and sisters the Nathans Hot Dog Eating Championship was held today at the legendary Coney Island, and boy did it pull through and entertain. It was by far one of the best eating competitions ever held. It had all the makings of a classic. The major players in the sport showed up and brought their A game. Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas, Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti, Tim "Eater X" Janus, Joey "Jaws" Chesnut (current world record holder with 66 and 2007 champion), and Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi all made the trip and brought their abnormally huge appetites with them. 

The rules were slightly changed this year making it a ten minute competition instead of a twelve. To some, this put the legendary Kobayashi (who has won the contest 6 times only to be upset last year by Chesnut) at a disadvantage because of his slow methodical start. The gun fired and Chestnut quickly pulled ahead, with cheeks puffed, as he crammed hot dogs into his mouth. At one point, the 24-year-old Californian led Kobayashi 14 to 11. Kobayashi fell to third place, but ate his way back and the two went dog-to-dog in the final stretch. A photo finish declared that there was a tie of 59 hot dogs and buns after the initial ten minutes. This set the stage for one of the most thrilling and nerve racking events in sports, beating out penalty shots in Hockey and sudden death shoot outs in Soccer. The 5 hot dog eat-off. Whoever can eat 5 hot dogs and buns the fastest takes the title. After taking a pause to swallow between eating the hot dogs and the soaking wet buns, Kobayashi fell behind and Joey Chesnut took advantage of the slip up winning the title. Take that Fareed Zakaria!!! If there is one thing that the United States should be number one in and remain number one in, it is competitive eating!!! Chesnut retained his title, was awarded 10,000 dollars, kept the coveted Mustard-Yellow champions belt, and is guaranteed 7 consecutive days of diarrhea and heart burn. It should also be mentioned that Sonya "Black Widow" Thomas, who finished fifth, broke the worlds women record with 33 hot dogs, and this was the first time since 1916 that the original ten minute format was used.

Update on That Gangsta Mars Principal...

I am giving an update on that bad ass principle from Mars because my previous post proved to be more popular with the Yinzers than anything else I have blogged about (sad I know). Well, it appears, from Butler County Court Dockets (which are public if anyone is interested), that Miss Saker posted bond and waived her arraignment. The first three (yes three, there were four total, Go Anna!!) disorderly conducts were dismissed by a lower court, but the last two charges were held for court. The charges that are still active against Saker are PA 18 § 5503 §§A4- disorderly conduct by creating a hazardous or physically offensive condition by any act which serves no legitimate purpose of the actor, and PA 18 § 5101- obstructing administration of law or other governmental function. The disorderly conduct is a third degree misdemeanor if the intent of the actor is to cause substantial harm or serious inconvenience, or if he persists in disorderly conduct after reasonable warning or request to desist. 

The obstruction of administrative law is a second degree misdemeanor. I think cursing at the officer, saying you are the principal of Mars and that you know the officers in charge, and stepping in front of an officer trying to do his job qualifies. If not then, pulling a Bonny and Clyde and fleeing from a police officer should do the trick. The next court proceeding is scheduled for 7/07/2008, which will probably be the criminal hearing. Do I hear field trip??? I am sure there will eventually be some sort of guilty plea to some lessor offense. Fees paid and maybe community service. Anna should never take the deal. Fight for your name!! No one destroys the reputation of a Mars High School Principal and gets away with it. Not even a former student that she gave one to many detentions to (which is my theory on the police officer that got in the way of Anna and a sale at Walmart). 

This lady is so awesome, how the hell did she not get her hot ass on Nancy Grace. If I was a student at Mars High School I would totally fuck with principal Saker. I would have the theme to Cops playing not stop in front of her office. If she gave me detention I would say shit like "hey at least I'm not going to jail." Zing!!!!

Girl Talk Continues to Shred Pop Music TO PIECES!!!

I've got an American birthday gift for you readers. If you are a fan of Girl Talk follow this link to download the new album for free ( or for a price a la Radiohead In Rainbows for the generous) before the September release date. Do it quickly because I think Illegal Art is not planning on doing this forever. I've heard the new album and let me tell you... It fucking hard. Sure Girl Talk is kind of a flash in the pan, and it seems to some like Night Ripper is the best and most creative album he is capable of creating, but any thinking like that is wrong and Feed the Animals proves it. The mash up gimmic on Night Ripper smacked most of the music nerd crowd in the face by showing that remixing and reworking popular tracks can create brand new music better than the individual samples themselves. Night Ripper was beyond anything created by remixers and mashup artists that came before it, pushing the boundaries of the genre to places unthinkable.  Feed The Animals picks right up where Night Ripper left off and continues its assault of the way we traditionally understand the art of music. You may ask What more can Greg Gillis do? Isn't this album going to be more of the same? Didn't Night Ripper squeeze everything out of the Girl Talk "act"? Well the answer is much more, no, and no. With over 300 samples Gillis packs more tracks into the album and fuses them together in way that is far more reckless (in a good way) than any mash up artist out there. Girl Talk started out as more of a boom-bip noise outfit, but he has matured into an accessible-frenzied-fueled mainstream party maestro. 

The genius of Feed the Animals is the ability of Gillis to stretch the musical gene pool he draws from to unfathomable distances. On "Like This," one 90-second sequence alone works in Beyoncé, Rick Astley, Nine Inch Nails and Yo La Tengo, among others. He mixes MIA's Boyz with the Cranberry's Dreams. The result is slightly sloppy, but the attempt is so praise worthy that any shortcomings are quickly forgotten. Sinead Oconnor and Lil Wayne? Yes he does. You can view all 300 samples, what artist's tracks are used, and at what point in the song they are mashed here at wikipedia. The best part about what Gillis does is that he doesn't feel the need to only take the hooks from songs. By taking the drum line or symbol crash from one song and hammering it into the vocals of another song, he produces the best of both worlds which sounds unlike either song, but still manages to keep the listener's emotional attachment (and build on it) to those songs they have grown to love. This is the ultimate 4th of July picnic party album, so download it, put on your stupid Kanye West glasses and be the coolest (or dorkiest depending on who you ask) kid at the picnic. If you don't believe me just listen below:

MTV Must Really Want a Third Season of Shot of Love...Are You Interested?

This shit is so fake it has approached and is surpasing camp levels of entertainment. MTV's mess of a bi-sexual dating show came to its disaster of finale last night in a way that it only could. Basically Tila dumped loser Bo, and asked Christy if she was interested in a shot of love (e.i. a shot of seeing Tila at the reunion taping and possibly seeing her once more before she dumps you and starts filming season three) and she said no. Yeah, just like that - no. Christy basically realized that this show was a total piece of shit and that there was no way she was going to be in a relationship with a piece of trash like Tila, so instead of doing the ceremonial yes we are in love until the reunion show and season three, Christy basically said fuck this shit- I'm out. I'm pretty sure the producers of the show were somehow involved in this "escandalo" because Tila is a terrible actress and her fake ass tears didn't fool anyone. There is no way I can take another season of people rolling around in food and pretending they could give two shits (shots? haha) about a trashy skank reality TV "star". They need to reformat the show and bring in a new trainwreck bi-sexual (Lindsey Lohan anyone? We all know she is looking for work). I do find it funny that someone makes it to the final two, then decides that they don't want a shot of love. I give Christy major props for fucking up the show big time. I am all about sabotage and that was a major mutiny against all of what MTV and Tila had invested in the show. Or, this is just MTV's way of having a third season. Whatever the reason, all I care about is that this crap fest is over and maybe we will be blessed with a Real World Road Rules challenge at 10 p.m. on Tuesday nights. 

Any News is Good News...

The June 30th deadline has come and gone for Don Barden to get financing for the Casino and pay contractors so that work will not come to a halt on construction of the North Shore Casino. Here is where we are at. Work has stopped, but Barden has kind of received nearly all of the 780 million dollar funding. The Pittsburgh Post Gazette reports work on the North Shore slots parlor came to a halt yesterday after Don Barden failed to come up with $10 million needed to keep construction going, even as he announced he had secured a $120 million investment in the project from a company headed by a Chicago billionaire and fellow casino owner. Even with the $120 million, Barden is still 30 million short of the 780 million that was estimated as the cost to build the entertainment center. In addition to finalizing the $120 million investment from Walton Street, Mr. Barden also will be working to close on more than $600 million in funding arranged through international lender Credit Suisse during the same time frame. At a late afternoon news conference, Bob Oltmanns, casino spokesman, estimated that the work stoppage would last from a "matter of days" to one to two weeks while Mr. Barden races to complete and close on $780 million in financing, a task that has eluded him for more than two months. The stoppage came even with the 120 million in equity secured by Walton Street Capital. The contractors had given Barden till the end of June, and since Barden's financing is not yet permanent all work has stopped. All of the funding still needs to be reviewed and approved by the states gaming board who meets again July 10th ( it is uncertain weather financing will be part of that meeting).

This may seem like good news at this point since all we have heard over the last couple months was concerns over the Casino's future, but Barden also announced plans on scaling back many amenities of the casino, which were the selling points for the State Gaming Control Board in awarding the license. Barden is delaying plans for construction of an outdoor amphitheater and boat dock at his North Shore casino and is altering the look of a riverfront promenade, all in a bid to save money. This is making the Riverlife Task Force (who?) upset and only adding to the general anxiety over the casino that is suppose to open in 2009. Pittsburgh was sold on a state of the art first class casino, and what we may end up with is something no better than the Bonanza Casino in Reno Nevada!!

Jagr Could Be Coming Back to Pittsburgh... Without Mullet Unfortunately.

KDKA is reporting that If the Pens can't come to terms with Marian Hossa, they're making plans for a second option. Pittsburgh Sports Insider has learned that Ray Shero has made a contract offer to former Pens captain Jaromir Jagr!!! The former MVP would be paired with Pens captain Sidney Crosby. Are they literally trying to recreate the success of the team in 1991-1993. Whats next Ron Francis. Details are sketchy right now, but we all know that Jagr, who is heavily booed when he plays against the Pens, would be welcomed with open arms by the fickled Pittsburgh fair weather fans. The best part about this deal would be my ability to post old school pictures every chance I can get. Jagr has remained coy about the possible deal. "I’ll tell you when I have something done,” he said, laughing, to the Daily News. All we do know is that the Jagr is not feeling love from the Rangers. In other Penguins news, the Penguins appear to have their biggest two stars under contract. Sources tell KDKA Sports, the Pens and Evgeni Malkin have agreed to a 5-year contract. The new contract will kick in for the 2009-2010 season, and it's believed to be around the same deal Sidney Crosby signed last year for $8.7 million dollars per season (hopefully Malkin will not continue his late playoff performance.. because it sucked). Also today, the Penguins re-signed one of their free agent forwards. Pascal Dupuis agreed to a 3-year contract that pays him $1.4 million per season.