I Finally Got Around to Writing a Benjamin Button Bash...

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump - watch more funny videos

I don't think I have mentioned it on here, but Benjamin Button is like the worst movie of the year. I don't understand how any critic sat through it, let alone enjoyed it. It didn't really make any sense, the concept wore thin 45 minutes into the nearly 3 hour movie, and there was little to no meaningful character development to attach you to the story.

The whole time I just kept thinking that the movie was a less tolerable Forrest Gump ( which is saying alot). Take Forrest Gump remove all of the familiar pop culture references and lovable bafoonery, then add a Nautica/ Ralph Lauren aesthetic to the cinematography and you have Benjiman Button. Don't worry about the whole growing old to young thing, because you forget about it and get used to Button's weird appearence completely failing to relate it to how it is affecting who he is (the greatest failure of the movie).

Anywasteoftimeterriblemovie, I was proven right in my astute observations because I guess both movies were written by Eric Roth, and are set up the same way (see video above). Well what do you know. I just can't seem to understand how people are allowing the wool to be pulled over their eyes with the constipated mess. Could it be that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie live just wonderful Hollywood envied lives that there is no way that one of them could be part of such shit? They adopt kids from all over the world and live in France, so whatever they do must be sophisticated and awesome right? NO! This movie sucks and has nothing on Forrest Gump (which, it is important to note, is a cliched Hollywood sentimental fuck fest mess). So just watch the movie above instead of wasting money and time on this epic dump.

"This is America Happening"

The best possible quote I have heard to date describing the election and inaguration of the first black president and hope- filling public figure. This was spoken by Evadey Minott, one of an estimated 2 million people who watched the parade and festivities in Washington. I think the quote captures how Obama has made the American people reconnect to what we are about as a country and how he has made us conscious of where we are today based on where we were in the past.

(The picture above is a little different than Bush's swearing in huh?)

Obama has redefined what and who we are as a nation whewn we desperately needed it. It seemed we were a confused, depressed, lifeless people drifting along and Obama came along united us and refocused the American spirit in a direction it needs and has always wanted to go. Lets hope that the he is up to the challenge and the expectations and rhetoric were not to high and dramatic.

Boring Monday Post...

After the post Steeler crazy awesomeness celebration hot mess masterpiece crash, Mondays can be somewhat of a drag- even with thinking about god's gift to Pittsburgh in an AFC Championship game. With that said/ written (very poorly at that) the above video of Serious Cat should give you that 2:30 boost (even know the first publishing of this post failed and it didn't show up until after the work day).

Serious Cat is the newest lol cat. Welcome him to the family. He is a distant cousin of ceiling cat, and the mortal frenemy of Spaghetti Cat. I am sure Encyclopedia Dramatica has a way better and authentic biography of this incredible meme. Head over there for the real scoop, or just enjoy his awesomeness.

Pittsburgh's Getting a Six PACK!!!!!

When in the course of human events a situation arises that carries with it such importance and great weight that we find a whole city of people lose their collective shit and and proceed to transform their emotional state into an ecstatic euphoria, the world and the nation should take time to pause and appreciate it. No, I am not talking about the inauguration of the first African American president, I am talking about that historic event of the Pittsburgh Steelers becomg AFC champions and having a chance to with their sixth Superbowl title. The Six Pack.

Yes the Stillers have won the AFC Championship game against the dirty bird Baltimore Ravens giving them a Superbowl birth. For a city that lives and breathes Steeler football, words cannot describe what we feel in this momentous occasion. Only us as Yinzers know what it is like. It is what binds us together as habitants of the 412 area code. You cannot explain it, only live it, and every Pittsburgher knows the emotion all to well. What we are feeling right now, post game, is almost more excitement and pride than what we will feel the day of the Superbowl or even after a Superbowl win. That is just the way it is when the whole mood and outlook of a city rests on the shoulders of a football team.

The next couple weeks will be insane in Pittsburgh with WDVE and the local press playing really bad Steeler fight songs and Black and Gold chants. The city will be broken down into its most pure Yinzer concentrated form. Just when we will not be able to take anymore of the frenzy, Superbowl Sunday will come and we will be reminded of why we wouldn't rather live in any other city. Thank you Steelers for allowing us all to experience something that Philadelphia, Cincinnati, and Detroit could only dream of experiencing. Thank you Steelers for making Monday alot more easy to deal with!!!!!

So You Think You Are America's Best Dance Crew!!!!???

I am sure there is some version of this post out there on Salon or Slate written by some graduate student making my point much more coherently, but I will attempt it anyway.

We are really seeing the recessionomics hitting TV in major ways. Besides no advertising for new shows and little to no new dramas with real actors, as I already mentioned, MTV is recycling where it is filming its reality shows, letting VH1 borrow the Real World house for its recycled Teen Idols and putting Daddy's Girls in LC's old haunt. 

Now, reality shows are even recycling the same shows with the same reality Tv stars. MTV's hit America's Best Dance Crew came back tonight, and with it came So You Think You Can Dance's summer cast. Yes, I counted at least 4 SYTYCD "stars" scattered through out the crews tonight (Hok, the dude who crushed on Kat, the Clogger, the dude who lands on his head in the opening credits). If I hadn't seen America's Best Dance crew featured on SYTYCD's finale over the summer I would just think it was a coincidence, but I did. It seems to me that maybe MTV has a manipulative hand a la the "Hills" in this seasons show. These "crews" may not be as amateur as MTV leads us on to believe.

Times are tough for everyone including Viacom and MTV. If that means recycling sets or cutting back on casting expenses then so be it. When you start to see reality TV characters on shows the same way you would see an actor on a Prime Time Drama you know every penny is being counted. 

So what does this mean? I didn't go to grad school ( well yes, but law school doesn't count) so nothing. ABDC rocked!!!!! Who cares they are all professional dancers who were on other shows. They can fucking bring it hardcore. This is the best season yet with a wide variety of crews each establishing itself as a niche character not unlike the Real World and its 7 (now 8) strangers. We have gimmicks like clogging and stepping, female breakers, the cheerleaders, and new and different "Brooklyn contortion". This gon be fun.... I am all about the Cloggers. Can't wait for them to kick the steppers asses in the 30 second dance off. 

And as always, Little Mama made no sense to anyone but Paula Abdul and JC Chasez should be permanently replaced by the Jabawokie dude. I'm out......

Women are off to a great start in 2009!!!!!

Oh yes, 2009 may be the year of the Skank. The occupation of Reality TV is their home base and anyone who tries to take them from their bad economy random Vh1 or MTV shows will have hell to pay. If you have no idea what I am talking about let me  give you some Real Talk. Dirty, skanky, trashy, street walking drunk mess women are taking over TV. In terms of Tv this is a good thing, but in terms of the world this very very bad. That is neither here nor there right now.

I will make my point with two shows ( I know there are many I could use, but I feel these two clearly make my point). Rock of Love Bus is transcending the possibilities of Skank on TV. We are seeing things that never crossed my mind when I thought how a television watching experience could be made better. Aside from the drunk mess (which includes a test tube shot of alcohol out of a veejay), the show also has some down right crazy awesome borderline people who are willingly to destroy their life and any chance at meaning full work on national TV.

Now on the other side of the coin are the Real House Wife's of Orange County. They are included here because their show has become so vindictive, trashy, mean spirited and down right Paris Hilton circa 2001, that they really are nothing more than Rock of Skank in expensive jewelry and more clothes.

After seeing Tamra willfully get Gretchen shitfaced to the point of it being criminal, only to make her look stupid or have her cheat on her dying fiance, I was disgusted, but also highly entertained. The fact that Tamra used her son as a pawn in a vicious catty attempt destroy the girl who is more pretty than her with no remorse about Gretchen's dying fiance, showed me a true CUNT. That is all she and the rest of those Skank bags are. CUNTS. 20 years ago they would have been on the Rock of Love Bus doing shots out of each others, then a lot cleaner, ham wallets. 

Here, Here!!!!!!! To Skanks!!!! Thanks for making my TV watching experience that much more ummm...gross? I will continue to watch and be highly entertained, I just may have to wear a raincoat to prevent myself from getting a disease. 

Pittsburgh Meta-Rivalry...

So the big thing taking every one's mind of the bleak tundra style weather that magnifies all of Pittsburgh's flaws is Playoff Football. This is not an uncommon thing in Pittsburgh since the Steelers almost inevitably end up in the post-season every year. Regardless, it is a great way for us Yinzers to come together, stop complaining about our city, and collectively cheer on the Steelers in hopes that they temporary return the Burg to the 1970's (and Feb 2006) glory that the Superbowl win briefly creates. We are two wins away, and the first team in our way are the Ravens.

With the post season comes the rivalries and rivalry of rivalries. Soon mayors will be making harmless politically calculated bets and Ray Lewis will say something controversial like always. But, this year that dirty, no good, Pittsburgh wannabe city of Baltimore has taken it one step to far. Baltimore Sun writer Kevin Cowherd (Coward? Cowher? Ironic?), whom I would personally attack if it wasn't for The Wire, has gone after Primanti Brothers sandwiches in an attempt at good old fashion muckraking. Cowherd says that the sandwiches aren't good for you and that the french fries look like worms. What, are you scared of Primanti's Kevin? Ok Ill stop...

Now you can attack our crappy city anyway you want Mr. Cowherd. You can push our aging population in our faces, our lack of useful public transportation, or even our bafoonery in attempting to get a casino built, but don't you dare even say a word about our sloppy-greasy- grade F meat sandwiches. There is no food more sacred in this city than sandwiches eaten by the most obnoxiously drunk 20 somethings post 2 am on any given Friday or Saturday night. How dare you say that a sandwich with egg and french fries served in a place where homeless people are slow dancing with the toilet is anything other than 6 star culinary masterpiece!!!!

Its on Mr. Cowherd. Your Natty Boh beer and UTZ chips suck, and after a google search I found out your responsible for Tori Amos and Abercrombie and Fitch (so basically gay). Ill take John Waters, The Wire, Charms City Cakes, and Bmore Club jams, but aside from that your city sucks, and you know it. Everyone in the world knows that the Baltimore accent is just a low rent version of the Pittsburghees, and the Pittsburgh Passion can totally kick the Baltimore Burn's vagina! Just keep in mind that the Steelers are going to win come Sunday and a whole lot of Baltimore fans will be sobering up, nursing their hangover, or using a toilet in a Primanti Brother's somewhere downtown. Black and Gold baby!!!

GREATEST VIDEO I HAVE SEEN IN 2009...

This is the best viral video I have seen in a long time. It kind of sums up all of College Humor and Funny or Die in one 4 minute video. In fact, I think this video kills both of those sites. Each rapper gets better and better, although my favorite is without a doubt at the minute mark. He takes the Dustin Hoffman via Rainman delivery style. Wouldn't you? It is the 80's.

And We're Off...

The old wise sage of reality TV returned tonight and it brought with it its usual type cast. I don't need to rehash the usual suspects that we have all come to be so familiar with after growing up MTV. There is a tranny/ 2008 SAS biggest pop culture splash in the cast, which makes it extra "real". Also, there are now !!!!8!!!! strangers picked to live in a house and have their lives taped instead of 7....look out!!!

This season the mess takes place in Brooklyn New York. I will leave the dismissive comments to other blogs like Gawker that will no doubt tear to shreds the fact that people are moving to New York for the first time and are somehow less deserving to live there than recently transplanted bloggers. It always bothers me that New Yorkers, no matter how long they have lived there, feel they are more deserving to live in the city and know more about the city than everyone else who makes the move. It is just something that happens to people who move to NYC. They could live there for one month, and get into arguments about where the best Pizza is or how bad Time Square sucks. 

I am sure Gawker will make fun of the cast's excitement to see the Statue of Liberty for the first time, and the awesomeness that everyone, including Gawker writers, feel the minute they set foot in the one of a kind city. The show is about people sharing different life experiences for the first time and doing it in New York will surely bring the ire and disdain of the cynical.

Anystuckup....Now for the truth. The cast is somewhat more interesting and provocative than past seasons. They seem to have set up the season for a monster culture clash by having three GBT individuals pitted against a Mormon, southern beauty queen, and small town war vet with two more random individuals to take sides....in Brooklyn. 

Now, most importantly, the Morman SUCKS!!!! He is just horrible and intolerable. The Iraqi vet is a loose cannon, who can't hold his liquor,  from a small town that seems to be open minded and not at all affected by war, but actually is borderline and negatively provoked by the Mormon. (one sentence!) The douche bag club beast actually seems OK and is just concerned with getting attention from anyone who will give it to him. The ying to his yang the beauty queen is the exact same but black and female. The gay guy is, so far, the gay guy on route to being the gay guy from every other season. Boring and not around much. The hip hop dancer looks to be the needy girl and the artistic girl is well... this isn't going well. Do I really need to explain. It looks to be a well...the Real World. We will watch it, forget about it, then watch it when it returns. Its no Bad Girls Club, Mama's Boy, or Rock of Skank, but it is what it is and we will watch it, marathon or Wednesday night. 

After all this time it has become as ingrained in our TV schedule as 60 Minutes or football has on Sundays. There really is not much more to say. I have tried to come up with something in this post, but at this point we know what to expect. There are no more original observations to make. I guess I am just as cynical as all those bloggers after all.