I Finally Got Around to Writing a Benjamin Button Bash...

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump - watch more funny videos

I don't think I have mentioned it on here, but Benjamin Button is like the worst movie of the year. I don't understand how any critic sat through it, let alone enjoyed it. It didn't really make any sense, the concept wore thin 45 minutes into the nearly 3 hour movie, and there was little to no meaningful character development to attach you to the story.

The whole time I just kept thinking that the movie was a less tolerable Forrest Gump ( which is saying alot). Take Forrest Gump remove all of the familiar pop culture references and lovable bafoonery, then add a Nautica/ Ralph Lauren aesthetic to the cinematography and you have Benjiman Button. Don't worry about the whole growing old to young thing, because you forget about it and get used to Button's weird appearence completely failing to relate it to how it is affecting who he is (the greatest failure of the movie).

Anywasteoftimeterriblemovie, I was proven right in my astute observations because I guess both movies were written by Eric Roth, and are set up the same way (see video above). Well what do you know. I just can't seem to understand how people are allowing the wool to be pulled over their eyes with the constipated mess. Could it be that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie live just wonderful Hollywood envied lives that there is no way that one of them could be part of such shit? They adopt kids from all over the world and live in France, so whatever they do must be sophisticated and awesome right? NO! This movie sucks and has nothing on Forrest Gump (which, it is important to note, is a cliched Hollywood sentimental fuck fest mess). So just watch the movie above instead of wasting money and time on this epic dump.

Its Been a Long Time Since Harry Potter Has Left You ...Without a Dope Beat to Step to!!!

It has arrived!!! The Half Blooded Prince trailer is all over the Internets ( and it is not fake this time). So while you have been coping with Potter withdrawl by watching Panda dirty dance and Chimps riding Segways, the Harry Potter movie machine has returned with the Chosen One coming into his own. I know...shut up, and give me the damn video... Here you go. Below are two previews for the beginning of the Wizard war:

Thank you sir can have have another? Of course you can

First Sarah Palin is Nominated for Vice President, Now Beverly Hills Chihuahua is Number One at the Box Office...What Has This World Come to?

UPDATE: It pains me to even write this but somehow, someway, this shit storm has remained the #1 movie in America for two straight weeks. I have a feeling that American Carrol and Disaster Movie could not even hold a candle to this diarrhea chunk, but Americans are going to see it anyway. They will waste 10 bucks on this and waste a vote on McCain. U-S-A... U-S-A...

Beverly Hills Chihuahua was #1 at the box office this week making $29, 300,456. Let me repeat, Beverly Hills Chihuahua was #1 at the weekend box office. WTF!!! What is this country coming to? How in the hell could this movie make this much money? I know it's probably a kid's movie that tends to make Saturday afternoon money, but let me remind everyone that this is a movie based on a dog from a Taco Bell ad with heavy ties to Paris Hilton. If this is aimed at kids, then the future of America is in trouble. We are in an economic crisis and we are entertaining our kids with a movie about a pampered Beverly Hills dog. I know... it's an act of domestic terrorism.

Anyforchristsake, I didn't see the movie about Chihuahua's this week, but rather choose to see Religulous. While people who think saw Religulous, people who don't think went and saw An American Carrol. Its how the cookie crumbles. Religulous was pretty good. It really asks questions that everyone should ask. They are questions that most people of faith don't ask. The movie basically makes the point that most religions have doctrines that, if detached from religion, would be laughed at and disregarded as crazy by society. Most of what religions teach is factually inaccurate and requires a suspension of rational thought to follow. They are unscientific, nonsensical, and ridiculous statements. If it wasn't spoken under the cover of faith and religion, people would never take it serious. For people like myself and Maher, we would rather not have an answer for why we are here and  what existence is than have the answers that religions give. I would rather continue to question than believe something that goes against everything that I have learned and understood about the world and science. 

The movie does a great job of showing how people of faith are beginning to push their way of thought from religion into secular culture. Their unscientific blind belief in non rational events is now being offered as a way of thinking about things other than god. For example, intelligent design and reformation of homosexuals are theories that people of faith are supporting. Just how rational thought is suspended in religion, people are now doing the same when it comes to secular topics. Facts and science are useless. Man existed side by side with the Dinosaurs and Homosexuals can be change into heterosexuals. All you have to do is believe it enough. These people think that if you believe it enough it will become fact, and that is scary. If you believe Beverly Hills Chihuahua is a good movie, then it is. This country and world is in some major shit....

Why Haven't I Seen Tropic Thunder????

For a movie described as highly offensive, attacking on all levels, making jokes at the expense of race, obesity and cognitive disabilities,  Tropic Thunder has somehow alluded by viewing this summer. After wasting 75 dollars on tickets, popcorn, and sour patch kids for Pineapple Express and the Dark Knight, I am deeply troubled that I let a movie like Tropic Thunder fall behind such mediocre entertainment. Pineapple Express was suppose to be some great stoner flick, and they didn't even manage to get one political group to complain about it. Tropic Thunder enraged the likes of Special Olympics, The Catholic Church, and The Disability Rights Coalition. Success!!! How have I not seen this? Timothy Shriver is calling for an out right banning of the movie with a calling of the entire Tropic Thunder team to stop showing the movie and pulling it from any theatres still showing it. WHAT? This is America right? This always gets me about the PC crowd. They are usually liberal and get on the religious right for wanting to push values on everyone, but the minute they are offended they cry bloody murder wanting everyone to censor offensive material. 

It is amazing to think that a movie will bread intolerance. It is just as bad as saying music or video games will create violence. Aggravate-maybe...but create- no. It is the parents job to censor movies, not the movie company. Shriver has gone as far as calling retarded the R-word equating it with the N-word. WTF!!! Retarded is a word usually used to make a joke and not thrown around to substitute for hate. Implying that it is somehow as bad as a word that represents hundreds of years of oppression and discrimination is irresponsible? What, should we not be allowed to say flame retardant? These are the people that lose elections for the Democrats. South Park and Family Guy consistently offend every person that they can think of offending. This is why they are successful and people like them. How in the hell can Timmy exist and Cartmen pretend he is retarded if Striver accomplishes what he wants? I urge everyone to go see Tropic Thunder multiple times. Laugh at Ben Stiller playing simple Jack ("Never go full retarded" may be one of the best lines ever in a movie and its not because it is making fun of retarded people. The joke is on Hollywood). Make it known that you think it is funny. If we don't have a sense of humor what do we have? How are we suppose to stay sane in this world without a sense of humor. This is an R rated movie aimed at adults. If adults cannot understand the humor and jokes in this movie and are coerced into being intolerant then they are fucking retards!!!!

And since I am already going to hell, does anyone have video of cognitively disabled people protesting the release of the movie? I doesn't hurt to ask, just saying...