New Gimmick Blog!!!

I love these new gimmick blogs that have been popping up like This is Why You Are Fat.com , Passive Aggressive Notes.com, and Post Cards From Your Momma. I have a feeling that Richard Blakeley may be behind this new one just like This is Why You are Fat. The newest is Why the Fuck Do You Have a Kid. It is basically what I think everyday when I drive past a bus stop, walk past a McDonald's, or watch a VH1 reality tv show. The website is on the right track, but they have omitted some major WTFDYHK's (Britney Paxil Spears is DQ since she is back to walking around lip syncing for money). Here are my top three:

3) Little Adolf Hitler! Yes the crazy Nazi lovers who named their proud first born Adolf Hitler. Are you full of indignation? Wait... Wait... Adolf has siblings...Wait for it...Adolf has two sisters, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie. The latter, just eight months old, was named for Nazi leader Heinrich Himmler. The little racists father doesn't understand why people are shocked when they hear his sons name, to which I say WTFDYHK.


2) The one, the only, Nadia Sulaiman, better known as OCTOMOM, or OCTOCRAZY or just STUPID CRAZY LADY. You may argue that Nadia should be number one seeing that she decided to have 8 children at once when she already had six under the age of ten and had no husband, job, or home, but I feel like this women should never be number 1. Its just not right. Even being named craziest crazy who ever crazied in the world would add to the delusions that comfortably rule her bat shit mind. Just imagining the smell of baby poop, baby vomit, and baby food is enough to say WTFDYHK.

1) The FREE RANGE KIDS parents. For those of you new to this mess, Free Range Parenting is, not a joke, a style of raising kids where you basically let them do whatever they want. No its not just bad parenting. This is intentional rather than just negligent or reckless. It is a bunch of elitist liberal city dwellers who overly intellectualize everything and think that letting their kid ride the subway alone at 9 makes them more prepared to be independent successful adults. My disdain is not really about the concept for I could care less about the kids. Its more about the fact that some stupid liberal lady came up with a parenting technique called Free Range Kids. When I hear things like this it makes me wonder about Fox News and Ann Coulter....just wonder, that's all. I hate people.

Hey Yall...

Merry Christmas March. See she is isn't crazy

SHAMWOW-BOW-KABAM

Check out this creepy picture of the SHAMWOW Vince after he got arrested for beating up a hooker in Miami who bit his tongue. Yeah this post writes itself. Martini, bikini, FELONY! Ever since are you following me camera guy, I got the vibe this dude smokes meth off a light bulb.

Hit Me Baby One More Time?

No? Im sorry, It was really just too easy. Britney Spears brings her World Tour sponsored by Zoloft to the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh tomorrow night, and apparently the crazy has already started without her. You see her production crew got here a little early and decided to hit the town last night....literally. Yes two people that allow Britney Spears to walk around the stage and lip synch got into a fight with a yinzer on the south side, then transfered their collective drunk to a couple Pittsburgh Police officers, and lastly got their ass tazered and thrown in the Allegheny County Jail.

According to police, 34-year-old Rockey Dickey, Jr., and 23-year-old Alex Montes, both of California, were arrested just before 1 a.m. today on the South Side. Police say both men are roadies working for the Britney Spears concert tour, which is in town for a show on Friday, March 27th at Mellon Arena. Authorities report that officers on patrol on Carson Street spotted two men involved in a fight, but when they tried to break it up, one of the men, identified as Dickey, reportedly tried to hit an officer. That's when police say Montes assaulted another one of the officers. Police say a Taser was used to subdue Dickey, while Montes was tracked down and arrested at the intersection of 17th Street and Wright's Way after leaving the initial scene of the fight.Dickey was taken to Southside Hospital to be checked out and both were taken to Allegheny County Jail.

How great would this story have been if you replaced roadies with pop star Britney Spears. You know the Britney of late 2007 early 2008 could have gifted us with such a headline. The dead behind the glossy eyes nonperson is soo boring. I miss the old Britney back alley cat weaves and bad complexion.

Backpeddling: This Video

BTW- Didn't Viacom sue You Tube and google for having videos like this up? Your answer should be: Yes that is why I can now not view it.

Pittsburgh v. McDonalds...

The ongoing dispute between the Allegheny County Attorney General Stephen Zappala and McDonalds has been resolved. Zappala has been targeting three downtown Pittsburgh McDonalds for drug activity. Undercover police officer have been conducting drug transactions at the Smithfield street Micky D's and even arrested a manager for selling prescription drugs. Zappala wanted McDonalds to do more to stop the activity or he would go forward with declaring them nuisance properties. It would have been the first McDonalds declared a nuisance in the country.

Well McDonalds has decided to pay for surveillance and added security to prevent the AG from taking action. I understand that I wasted an opportunity for some major fun with puns on this post, but I just couldn't bring myself to go there. I walk past these McDonalds almost everyday while working downtown and let me tell you, we don't need the city to declare them a nuisance. I think everyone knows all about downtown McDonalds. If you are going inside, you are either buying drugs, or giving a blow job in the bathroom (after you purchase a small fries of course). Everyone in those dumps are hot messes. There are usually a half dozen crackheads, a few tranny hookers, a dealer, and a Schizo homeless lady. Downtown Micky D's are the dirtiest place in every city. Let them be. Excuse their beauty!!!! Is nothing sacred anymore?

We like are Down town Dirty Brown D's the way they are Mr. Zappala! I think I would be more shocked if I didn't see illegal activity inside than if I did. You can lead a whore to a clinic, but you can't make her go in....or something like that.

Now Do We Have a Problem ...Haha...

NEW SOUTH PARK ALERT!!!! No it did not disappoint. South Park came back like a bat out of hell, kicking Disney and the Jonas Brothers in their balls. This episode was a classic. Kenny gets a new girlfriend that has a reputation of being a slut. Tammy Werner gave a BJ to a fifth grader in the parking lot of Fridays (I couldn't think of a more perfect line). When the children of South Park find out about Tammy's residence in Ho Town, they warn Kenny about it and the fact that a women's mouth has the most bacteria out of any place on the planet. After Tammy tells Kenny about her lady parts tingling when she sees the Jonas Brothers, Kenny decides to take her to a Jo Bros concert to get some. At the concert, South Park does not shy away from every opportunity to mix prepubescent girls, sex, and Disney in an uber offensive obscene stew. I will not ruin anything further, but keep in mind the rest of the episode involves Mickey mouse kicking the shit out of Joe Jonas. Yeah, awesome. Make sure you catch this episode.

Its about Moral Character!!!

UPDATE : YOU HAVE TO GO TO LUANN'S BLOG!!!! FUNNIEST SHIT EVER!! I don't see anything about making fun of another person's eyes because they said your husband looks 60 in front of your children.

The Real House Wifes of New York threw their collectives hats into the worst people ever hat tonight. This episode muddled in the "manners" theme began last week. Countess Luan became the heavy favorite for horrible person. She picked up where she left off last week telling everyone about how to act and proper etiquette. My favorite non-intetional irony of the episode was the argument/ discussion/ awful people behavior that took place at the American Cancer Society. As the cunts were preparing the food they started talking about nonsense. As they dwelled on meaningless garbage such as dating Ramona told Luan her husband looked old. This made the countess act like the most dignified sophisticated women ever to classy class. Needless to say all of them behaved worse than a tech school drop out from McKeesrocks. It was just great how they were all wrapped up in "proper etiquette" nonsense while a bald women dying of cancer was running circles around them preparing for the benefit. As these horrible people bickered about things meaningless in the larger picture of life, a women with months to live was trying to make a cancer benefit successful. Its is just too easy. These women wouldn't know proper if it shit in their face.

If there is anything to learn from these wastes of life, it is that the people who think they are right the most and act like they know what is proper are usually the people that know the least. Luann is on the level of a 10 spot VH1 show when it comes to class. Her fake indignation over her husbands age is laughable for a women who is writing a book on how to act. The reaction was on the level of Tamra's "its about moral character." Its pretty bad when in a episode Ramona ends up being the most likable. Her crazy eyes have more class than all of those other Paxil bitches put together. Anyhotflash, these women are stupid and I can't believe I waste a spot on my DVR for this shit show mess. If it was on Wednesday's it wouldn't have a chance. Hey, give me a break, Lost was a repeat this week.

The Mysteries of Pittsburgh Trailer is out...

Michael Chabon's book about being a teenager, growing up, and all that stuff has been made into a movie. The Mysteries of Pittsburgh is finished and we have been given a sneak peak. If you are asking why you should care about that gay shit or saying who gives a fuck, then get the hell out of here and go to TMZ or Perez!! WAIT WAIT! I was only joking. I desperately need your traffic. This is the movie Sienna Miller called Pittsburgh "shitsburg". Remember that PR mess? It started in Rollingstone magazine and ended with her on WPXI with the mayor! HAHAH! Not the best way to get the city on your side. The city was giving free IC LIght if you called her a bitch, and Folino's purposely refused to let her into their bar? Even WDVE got in on the action with listener comments. See there is a gossip angle to this post. If you don't remember then this may jog your memory. "Jude Law wouldn't have cheated on a Yinzer!" (Ed Note: I am paraphrasing this beautiful comment I heard in Lawrenceville).

Regardless, the trailer is here, and this funny first novel from Chabon is worth getting excited for, even if that excitement is for recognizing the places in Pittsburgh where the movie was shot. You see Pittsburgh needs national attention from the Arts. Six Superbowl rings will get us press, but it won't sustain our economy or let us compete with other cities. Having movies filmed here, including one called the Mysteries of Pittsburgh, with celebrity buzz and gossip may actually do more for the city than any Superbowl victory. Whoops, I may have gone too far. Let me just leave it at its nice to see Pittsburgh get some more national attention in 2009. (Lets also hope Mysteries of Pittsburgh comes out before Rumer Willis turkey Sorority Row. That epic FAIL could actually contaminate the city)

Don't Ask What This is Just Accept It...

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R.I.P Tatiana DelToro

Today is a sad sad day in reality TV. We lost one of the most entertaining train wrecks that have ever graced life television. American Idol is dead to me. They killed themselves when they offed the craziest most awesome psychopaths that has ever showed up in front of a camera: Tatiana Del Toro. Yes, the geniuses at Idol decided against the less stable young version of Celine Dione for a bunch of boring steamed Broccoli. Fuck You Idol. The only reason you did this was because you knew Vote For the Worst would have turned Tatiana into the next most famous nobody. Really I am sure I will get over this, but it is at least fun to be full of indignation right now. I really don't like the tattoo girl. she is trying to do Whino down to her Heroin Shimmy shakes, and it is a FAIL. I guess Anoop is OK, but he would be better with an accent and overly dramatic... and borderline. Sigh. Another season of Idol, another couple months of devoting energy to people I will never remember in sixth months. 

P.S.- I like how Simon used Taylor Hicks as  a way of saying someone did bad. He did win the show didn't he?

LETS HATE CHESTER UPDATE!!!

Its that time in the blogosphere!!! Its time to hate on everyones least favorite Mormon! Or atleast one of everyones least favorite Mormons... Real World Chet or as I like to call him: Chester the Fester. Chet and his stupid glasses pursued his shallow dream of becoming one of those hollow fake MTV minions known as Vjays. It is a dying bread, but apparently there is still a place for them on MTV. It is somewhere between girls getting drunk stripping down to their underwear to pee in public, and young adults talking to their parents about how sluty and self respectless they are. Perfect place for a Mormon! Especially an arrogant mean spirited one!

Chet was up to his usual horribleness this week shamelessly self promoting himself and marching around letting everyone know how great he is and how much he knows about everything. He also reminded everyone how ignorant and vile he is by conning Catyln (or Katyln... not sure) into believeing he wanted to learn more about her transgendered life only to use it against her later on in humiliating her and generally tormenting her highschool style. This is what I hate about Chet. His conceit and arrogance manifest itself in not only constant inflating of his ego, but in also degrading and bullying other people. You can see this deep deep violence that is hidden in him disguised by unnatural confidence and "style." He has not talked much about his religion, but I think his awfulness has everything to do with it.

This brings me to our plan on battling this "thing". The people who have to deal with him need to use his own weapons against him. If I were Catyln ( thank god I am not) I would have turned the tables on him and interrogated him on his religion and all the stupidity that goes along with it. When Chet kept asking about Catyln's dilating device, I would have asked him about his sacred undergarments. Where are they Chet? Wouldn't it be funny if someone hung them over a room mate as they slept? When he asked what it was like to wake up without a penis? I would have asked what is it like to wake up knowing you follow a religion started by a conman who fooled people into believing he found gold plates with the book of Mormon written on them (dumb dumb dumb dumb). Chet needs to be humiliated and his religion is the perfect opportunity. The kid is obsessed with sex and celebrities. What kind of loser wastes time on that?....(collar pull). 

So everyone, vent, scream, yell, type in all caps in the comments. Let me know your thoughts and general opinion about Chet. Lets combine our pathetic power and use it for something good; tearing down a person that has done nothing to us. Well, he actually has because I can never wear a scarf or skinny jeans again because of this monster tool. If Chet is good for anything, it is as a contestant on the next season of Tool Academy: Mormon Tool. 

Roman's Sister is Napolean Dynamite's GRANDMA!!!!

Big Love has majorly brought its A game this season. The show has always been relatively entertaining successfully full filling its position as the filler in between HBO's bigger more critically applauded "ground breaking" series, but this season it has broke out of its "intermission" role and established itself as one of the best shows on all of TV. The layered brooding atmosphere only pushes forward the compelling world of intrigue, murder, lies, betrayal, and collusion. All of this goes on in the seaming normal lives of polygamists. This uncanny life is shown in a way that is, at times, completely relatable while also leaving a spooky feeling throughout each episode (something HBO has perfected in all of their original programming).

Just when I thought the show couldn't get any better I was rewarded with last nights episode. Aside from a pounding forward of the plot, there was one of the greatest scenes in a Tv show that I have seen this season. We have cone to find out, by the grace of god no doubt, that Roman's (the prophet of the retarded insane Polygamist compound at the center of all the intrigue on the show) sister is none other than Napolean Dynamites Grandma. Yes the women who will forever been known as coining the phrase "well make yourself a dang Quesadi-l-l-a then Napolean." Selma Green (Roman's sister) has made a surrealist appearance before on Big Love with the rest of the Green clan, but tonight's episode was the first time we were told she was a women... and Roman's sister.  Sandy Martin deserves an Emmy for her appearance in this episode. While officiating a forced marriage between Bill's brother's intended wife and Roman's brother in law, Grandma gets thrown on the ground, stabbed with a pitchfork, and then attacked by a hungry pig who wants to eat her bloody wound. I could not ask for anything more from TV. If this hasn't convinced you that you must watch this show I don't know what else you need.