Its Been a Long Time Since Harry Potter Has Left You ...Without a Dope Beat to Step to!!!

It has arrived!!! The Half Blooded Prince trailer is all over the Internets ( and it is not fake this time). So while you have been coping with Potter withdrawl by watching Panda dirty dance and Chimps riding Segways, the Harry Potter movie machine has returned with the Chosen One coming into his own. I know...shut up, and give me the damn video... Here you go. Below are two previews for the beginning of the Wizard war:

Thank you sir can have have another? Of course you can

Sunday Video

This week I have blessed everyone with two animal videos from the Internets. YOU will not be disappointed. One of things that you can always count on from the Internets are viral videos involving lovable animals doing....lovable things. Today I offer you a Panda doing something with its naughty bits shamelessly exposed, and a Chimp discovering the sheer joy of the Segway. Thank me, then remember to say a little prayer tonight thanking the powers that be for the creation of the Internets.

Beware of the Obama Slasher Pittsburgh!!!! The East End Rapist Has Nothing on This Animal!!!

UPDATE: To the shock, awe, suprise, and relief of everyone, stupid bitch Ashley Todd has admitted to making up the whole story in an attempt to play on the racist sentiment of Western PA. Nothing like a good old Rovian political trick. May Ashley Todd forever be spoken in the same sentence, and with equal humliation, as Jeff Haybay!!!!

If you having been living in a cave you have no idea what I am talking about... or you don't live in Pittsburgh. Either way you have to hear about this crazy story involving the "wrong side of Pittsburgh,"a black man, a lonely McCain supporter/ campaigner/ College Republican, and the letter B (backwards...yes B not O).

Let me introduce you to stupid bitch Ashley Todd. Stupid Ashley claims that she was robbed and sexually assaulted for $60 at an ATM machine in Bloomfield on Liberty Avenue. Here's the best part. She claims it was a Black Man, and guess what? He became enraged when he saw her McCain bumper sticker or pin (she doesn't really remember which one). And guess what again? He carved the letter "B" into her right cheek after assaulting her (he must have been doing it in a mirror because it is backwards...and her face looks like a 5 year old playing with their moms makeup for the first time). Stupid Ashley was so upset she refused medical treatment after reporting it to the police. In said report, Ashley explained that she was trying to avoid bank fees by looking for a Bank of America ATM, and somehow "ended up on the wrong side of town." Blooomfield....wrong side of town... yeah I know, she is such a stupid bitch.

One last guess what. Ashley was also bloggin on Twitter directly before and directly after the incident, and she is a College Republican. Yes, the same College Republicans who in 2006 claimed Justin Zatkoff had been beaten up by a black/homosexual militant in Michigan. Battle ground play for racist voters similarity? Or just a coincidence?

Let me leave you with one final "guess what" to ponder. Police now want to give Stupid Ashley a polygraph test because none of this is adding up. Ashley has responded by saying she fell in and out of consciousness during the assault. Well call me Jeff Habay, and send myself Anthrax!!!!! I think she may be telling the truth. Guess What? yeah right.

How Can the Office Still Be So Good, but Heroes has Become so Bad?

The Office had one of its best episodes yet last night. Michael and Holly have consummated their relationship, the Office got robbed as a result, ....and The Boss caught something interesting when he showed up for a charity event (Not Bruce Springsteen. You just have to watch it) Dwight fought the "Battle of Helms Deep" for Angela with the "help" of Phyllis (the best scenes of the night in my opinion). It is amazing to me the Office is able to maintain such a high level of television. It may even be better than when it started. Usually shows fall in the crapper as seasons go on. The show is apologetically itself...like most good shows. Hell, no one even watches 30 Rock even after winning an Emmy, but the show won't change and that's what makes it so good.

Heroes.... On the other hand has completely destroyed itself and what was once a refreshing entertaining piece of television is now a cliched mess. I have to say something on this even though Monday was at the beginning of the week (sorry I am now a real life lawyer...just like William Shatner. The show started with so much promise. It was an uncanny human deliberation on ordinary people with special powers that just happen to be living in society. Unfortunately, it has now become a soap opera with mutant superheroes. The plot lines suck big time, it is not nearly as addicting and engaging as season 1, and there is only one person left on the show who is non-mutant. What happened to the ordinary/ extraordinary dichotomy? If you don't agree, just keep an eye out for next week's preview. If you are not paying attention you could mistake it for a Passions or Days of Our Lives Friday promo. I cry for Heroes. They have completely sold out for viewers. The producers panicked when ratings went down. Viewers have never quite recovered from the writers strike, and from the looks of it, neither have the writers.

It doesn't matter how bad Heroes is as long as I have that sleazy Vampire show to tune into every Sunday night on HBO. Vampires +Anna Paquin Boobs + Alan Ball + Louisiana= Best Show on overpriced cable stations.

Finally Pittsburgh Makes National News For All the Right Reasons...

Pittsburgh occasionally makes it into the national news 24 hour media blitz. Lately the burg got some love for having a women kill a young pregnant girl, cut out the unborn child, and sell it to another women. Not the kind of thing you want your city to be remembered for. Well, Pittsburgh slightly redeemed itself yesterday by grabbing headlines with one very incredible young man eating a 20 pound hamburger (15 pounds of meet 5 pounds of toppings) in five hours. So now Pittsburgh can be known for its endless supply of reality tv contestants, salads and sandwiches with french fries on them, "jagoffs", and unborn baby thiefs. (Alright... UPMC, The Steelers, Penguins, Carnegie, Girl Talk.....Now shut up!)

The news is saying this happened near Pittsburgh, but it actually happened nowhere near the Burg. This shining example of human ingenuity and accomplishment actually took place 100 miles northeast of Pittsburgh in Clearfield PA at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub. The masochist was 5-foot-11, 180-pound chef Brad Sciullo (of Uniontown- getting closer to city limits). Brad managed to down the monster meal in 4 hours and 39 minutes. He wins the restaurant's burger challenge by finishing under the five-hour limit. He waddles away with more than a horrendous case of diarrhea. Sciullo wins $400, three T-shirts and a certificate. I bet the T-Shirts say "I ate 20 pounds of artery clogging hamburger and all i got was this lousy T-Shirt." The only thing that could make this story better is if that burger was a giant "Hamburger Fatty Melt." You know what I am talking about...no? It also would have been nice if this happened actually in the city. Like say at Tessaro's or Fat Heads, but having our great city's name associated (even if factually incorrect) with such awesomeness is good enough for me. 

Kristen Wigg is Gods Gift to People Who Like to Laugh...

The Thursday night Weekend Update has been pretty unmemorable aside from Tina Fey as Sarah Palin and the occasional week end update joke. That was before Kristen Wigg made her presence more known. This bitch is fucking funny as hell. She is without a doubt the new breakout star of SNL. Soon enough she will have her own comedy show that everyone loves, but no one watches, or her very own romantic comedy flop. 

Yesterday Wigg introduced the world to one of the best impersonations of the 2008 Presidential Election.....The "Crazy McCain Lady," She is crazy...no? The sad part is that there are people all over America who think and say things just like her. The happy part is that they look like a homeless spinsters walking down the street with 10 stray cats, a fanny pack (Yes crazy lady was wearing a fanny pack), and a shopping cart full of rite aid plastic bags. Why is that good? Because it allows Wigg to do the bad ass impersonation below.

Why Can't American Media Be This Honest????

I was sent this video of Aljazeera reporting on hate and racism in American politics (thanks Ben ...I guess). It is amazing that we all know that this exists and that people think this way, yet mainstream media will not report about it and tip toe around this elephant in the room. Lets all be adults. There are alot of ignorant Americans. Hey, John Murtha said it about his own constituents.

Living in Western Pennsylvania and frequently visiting West Virginia I have heard on numerous occasions Obama be accused of being a muslim terrorist. I have further heard people flat out say that they will not vote for a black man to be president and that other people are only voting for Obama because he is black. I know, makes a lot of sense. So you either vote for or against skin color when it comes to the president of the most powerful nation in the world?? How does Racism not collapse in on itself under the weight of its own irrational nonsensical lack of logic? Watch the video below, then seriously consider building a bomb shelter, leaving the country, or contributing to the creation of an Obama like Pope Mobile. 

McCain Does His Best Mr. Wilson Impression...

When the last presidential debate began I really thought McCain was going to give a knock out performance. He started out incredibly well thoughtfully explaining how his policies differed from Obama on a theoretical level and on a practical level. He very effectively made the argument about how Republican philosophy is best for the country.....Then came the dirty campaign question.

Things got bad real quick. You could just see McCain having a stroke right before your eyes. He got angry, accusatory, reactionary and quickly got off message. Instead of telling about what he was going to do to solve the problems of the country, he began acting like a child giving Obama the side eye and whining about Obama's eloquence. I can't wait to see that little line that CNN does during the debate because McCain's positives line is going to drop faster than the stock market when that discussion began. 

McCain reminded me of Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace. I could just picture him saying "get off my lawn Obama!" His face looked like his hemorrhoid was driving him nuts. It was either over emotion or major IBS!!! McCain was using every anger management tactic in the books and still couldn't calm himself down.  Go back and watch McCains face during the debate. It is a gallery of someone doing everything they can to not jump across the table and strangle the person sitting across from them. McCain is done. Fork. Over...

Any Bad Madonna News is Good Madonna News!!!

All that shit we heard over the summer about Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorcing, and Madonna having an affair with A-Rod was......wait for it....wait for it....TRUE!!!! Yeah!!! Madonna's rep has confirmed that Madge is releasing her scary muscle grip of Guy Ritchie's nuts and the two are legally separating and divorcing. Does this mean that Guy Ritchie can go back to making good movies? 

Apparently, crazy -muscle- hulk- he- lady- arrogant-no-talent- botox- dragon wanted to complete her world tour before making the split official. Heaven forbid your family get in the way of stealing 400 dollars from your brain washed fans. I hate her... To bad Kaballah doesn't teach you how to succeed in a relationship and stop being so self worshiping. 

There are reports that Madonna has definitely been romantically involved with A-Rod and that the marriage has been over for at least a year. Guy Ritchie is packing his shit up and moving out of the home they share. He has told his parents and things are quickly moving along. This is such good news after the bad news I got about BWE. This has officially made my day. The only thing that could make this better is if we find out Madonna's tour has been a complete failure, and her new crappy movie goes straight to DVD (which it looks like may be happening). I only wish the Brits run her out of town, throwing rotten tomatoes and wilted cabbage at her private jet. Better yet, they should burn a pile of her children's book The English Rooooooses, and make the horse who knocked her on her ass and broke her arm a national hero. That feels better....Damn you VH1. 

Don't You Dare Fuck With Best Week Ever...

The New York Times is reporting that Best Week Ever will be changing its five year format to compete with The Soup and other pop culture weeklies. The show will now be called Best Week Ever With Paul F. Thompkins. The show will eliminate the "multiple commentators" aspect of the show and continue with a new format centered on a single host. The host will be Paul F. Thompkins. I very much enjoy Thompkins place on the show, but I am deeply troubled with the direction that the show may go. Thompkins is funny, but he lacks the snarky, um, how do I say....mean spirited bite that made BWE my go to show on the weekend. The show was my savior reminding me that there are other people in the world who view pop culture and mainstream entertainment with the same disdain and WTFness that I do (I can only hope that my personal Prozac - Best Week Ever Blog will remain the same and non-molested)

I understand that BWE gets destroyed by The Soup, but come on, going the pussy route of kissing celebrity ass is not going to win any viewers. The Soup is ruthless to anyone who shows their face on TV. Each show has its good points, and they each offer something different. I like them both the way they are.  Asking me to choose between the two is worse than Sophie's Choice. It is like being asked to pick a favorite Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor or deciding what show to leave off of my DVR recording list (damn DVR with its "I can only record two shows at once shit). 

I plead to VH1 DON'T FUCK THIS UP. If you hurt my precious Best Week Ever, I will hunt you down, tie you up, and force you to sit and watch that Denise Richards show. You are already in the Dog House with me after giving Vivica Fox a TV show. It has only gotten worse with the spin offs Real Chance of Love and Daisy of Love. Be careful....your viewers may be pathetic, but we are not that pathetic. If you push us too far, we may be forced to get up off of the couch to find the controller and change the station!!!!

Fun With Politics... Sort of...

At this point I think that everyone is about defeated when it comes to politics. We have three weeks left before the election, and I'm not sure I'll be able to make it. The 24 hour news stations are seizure inducing and the sound of Sean Hannity's voice makes me feel like I am going through Heroin withdrawal. With that said, I feel like it would do everyone good to have some fun with politics. Hence, I bring you three websites/ videos that can serve as Internet Valium for the relentless media coverage of the political -economic tsunami.

First up: Palin as President.com- 

This website lets you explore the nightmare that could come to fruition if Palin would somehow change shells and move into the Oval Office. You can explore the possibilities/ disasters by moving the mouse over different things in the office and clicking on objects. Keep your eye out for the Dinosaur running around outside the window, the science magazine in the garbage, and the "Iranastan" globe. Make sure you don't answer the phone.

Next: Dancing With the Political Stars

This video was actually shot with real dancers doing their best impression of how the politicians would dance. MiniMovie later added the heads of each national leader. My favorite is without a doubt Bush (ROTFL), although the face of Al Gore is also worth some Lulz.

Lastly: La Pequena Sarah Palin

Anyone familiar with La Pequena knows that no introduction is necessary. If you are not familiar, get educated!!! This is La Paquena's best work to date destroying La Pequena Hillary Clinton and La Pequena Amy Whinehouse. Please, Please, Please watch up to the 55 second mark. You will be rewarded with a gift only the Internet could give!!!

Some Things Are Better Left Untouched...

• VH1 TV Shows
• Music Videos
• Celebrity Photos
• News & Gossip

Skank School returned tonight, and basically revealed itself as Rock of Love minus Bret Michaels. I am glad VH1 got the memo and realized that these girls are just trashcans that don't even need a penis to fight over. They are still capable of being the exact opposite of elegant, which is exactly what we want. This brings me to my next point. Why do we want to change these....uh...women. They are perfect the way they are. Saying they need to change is like saying the Mona Lisa needs to some extra shading around her lips. 

The show started off as expected with Dallas throwing an apple at Lacy's head. Then Courtney (the dumb drunk bitch who slept through the first episode of Rock of Love) got drunk, passed out, and booted from the show. At least she is consistant. The show looks like it is going to be your typical Ho off with fighting, spitting, crying, and drunken flooze. Exactly....perfect TV. Sharron Osbourne wears the hasmat suit this time with back up from... Ricky Rachtman (Ha).  

Sunday Video

It looks like Sunday Video is turning into my only post. I am sure that I will get back on my game as I start getting settled into my new job. Anyway, this weeks video is in honor of the return of V. Since everything from the 80's and 90's is being redone, ABC has decided to bring back V (the original miniseries) from 1983. You may have to strain your brain to remember this gem, but I was thinking about this show the other day, remembering the cool action figures and laser guns I had. The figures even had mask that could be taken off to reveal their alien faces!!! This show was the shit. I am leaving out the best thing about the show. If you don't remember watch the video.

If there is one thing to help Americans through this shitty economic time its hamster eating aliens. You know we are really headed toward the 1992 recession when everything you see is from the 1980's or the early 1990's. I am sure I will watch it. Hey, give me an episode of V and Real Housewives of Atlanta and my night is set.....so sad...so sad.

Picture Worth A Thousand Words...

A British tourist was arrested for swimming naked in the moat of the Japanese Imperial Palace. He swam in the moat then scaled the Palaces 25ft wall. Please insert your Godzilla joke HERE. Television footage showed him getting out of the water at one point and chasing police with a rock and a construction site pole. He then went back to the murky water and swam across to the other side of the moat. He was caught by two policemen after a chase that media said lasted for an hour and a half. Do I really need to even ad any snarky or witty comments to this story? I think that it stands by itself. I will ask the same question I asked about the bar tender monkey in Japan. What is more funny, the naked British guy or the Japanese people?

First Sarah Palin is Nominated for Vice President, Now Beverly Hills Chihuahua is Number One at the Box Office...What Has This World Come to?

UPDATE: It pains me to even write this but somehow, someway, this shit storm has remained the #1 movie in America for two straight weeks. I have a feeling that American Carrol and Disaster Movie could not even hold a candle to this diarrhea chunk, but Americans are going to see it anyway. They will waste 10 bucks on this and waste a vote on McCain. U-S-A... U-S-A...

Beverly Hills Chihuahua was #1 at the box office this week making $29, 300,456. Let me repeat, Beverly Hills Chihuahua was #1 at the weekend box office. WTF!!! What is this country coming to? How in the hell could this movie make this much money? I know it's probably a kid's movie that tends to make Saturday afternoon money, but let me remind everyone that this is a movie based on a dog from a Taco Bell ad with heavy ties to Paris Hilton. If this is aimed at kids, then the future of America is in trouble. We are in an economic crisis and we are entertaining our kids with a movie about a pampered Beverly Hills dog. I know... it's an act of domestic terrorism.

Anyforchristsake, I didn't see the movie about Chihuahua's this week, but rather choose to see Religulous. While people who think saw Religulous, people who don't think went and saw An American Carrol. Its how the cookie crumbles. Religulous was pretty good. It really asks questions that everyone should ask. They are questions that most people of faith don't ask. The movie basically makes the point that most religions have doctrines that, if detached from religion, would be laughed at and disregarded as crazy by society. Most of what religions teach is factually inaccurate and requires a suspension of rational thought to follow. They are unscientific, nonsensical, and ridiculous statements. If it wasn't spoken under the cover of faith and religion, people would never take it serious. For people like myself and Maher, we would rather not have an answer for why we are here and  what existence is than have the answers that religions give. I would rather continue to question than believe something that goes against everything that I have learned and understood about the world and science. 

The movie does a great job of showing how people of faith are beginning to push their way of thought from religion into secular culture. Their unscientific blind belief in non rational events is now being offered as a way of thinking about things other than god. For example, intelligent design and reformation of homosexuals are theories that people of faith are supporting. Just how rational thought is suspended in religion, people are now doing the same when it comes to secular topics. Facts and science are useless. Man existed side by side with the Dinosaurs and Homosexuals can be change into heterosexuals. All you have to do is believe it enough. These people think that if you believe it enough it will become fact, and that is scary. If you believe Beverly Hills Chihuahua is a good movie, then it is. This country and world is in some major shit....

Sunday Video...

Tina Fey is on a major high doing Sarah Palin. She was at it again this weekend spoofing the debate. Queen Latifah was Gwen Ifel and pay particular attention to how she reacts to Palin's answers. It almost makes the whole skit. Its like she is saying "What the Hell..." Palin's pose at the end with the Flute is also priceless.

HAPPY 250th Pittsburgh!!!

This weekend was the city of Pittsburgh's 250th birthday. The city celebrated by having the largest fireworks display this town has ever witnessed. Fireworks were shot of from 18 different locations on Saturday night. Explosives were ignited from the US Steel building, the bridges which stripe the city, and barges floating in the three rivers. The million-dollar extravaganza was complete with a flotilla, concerts in the park, and a 335-mile bicycle ride from Washington along the Great Allegheny Passage. 

Festivities started early yesterday morning, when each of the Three Rivers was closed for a flotilla that included more than 100 ships, including the Delta Queen. The morning's opening ceremony included a historic flag ceremony in which dozens of area Eagle Scouts carried a huge American flag from one end of Point State Park to another. The party celebrated the people who made Pittsburgh what it is, like steelmaker and philanthropist Andrew Carnegie, and the things that will shape its future. "The whole theme is Pittsburgh: Imagine what you can do here," said Bill Flanagan, director of Pittsburgh 250, which organized the yearlong celebration.

After the French abandoned what was then Fort Duquesne in 1758, Forbes renamed the outpost Pittsburgh in honor of British Prime Minister William Pitt. Because of the rivers, the city was considered the Gateway to the West and evolved into an industrial giant, only to lose much of its manufacturing base in the last two decades. It has become a center for science, medicine and technology, whose hills and riverfront make it a tourist destination.

Myself and many Pittsburghers are hopelessly dedicated to this city. As much as I complain, I still love this city and believe it offers just as much if not more than other cities. We as Pittsburgh residents have to take advantage of what we have and support all the wonderful things here. There is so much to do and celebrate in the city, but many don't take advantage of it. They would rather hide in the suburbs. People who live here must "act and think like tourists." If we do, we will have another 250 years to celebrate. I know the Steelers are a great team which we all love, but there is more than a team to rally around and get excited about as residents of this great city. Long live Pittsburgh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Where's the Beef???

The Vice Presidential debate is over, and hopefully so is the Palin gush machine. After generally making a fool out herself with the "tough as nails interviewer" Katie Couric, all of America was ready for a Nascar esque car crash of a debate. Well that didn't happen. Palin remembered all of her prewritten answers that were nothing more than campaign platitudes and running mantras. "Reign in government spending," "Cut taxes," "Maverick bipartisanship," and "Joe Six pack." Palin didn't get smashed by the Hole in the Wall like most expected, so her supporters are now claiming she is the most brilliant mind ever to make it to the national political scene. They fail to mention that she didn't answer the questions asked, called senator Biden senator "O'Biden," and made numerous mistakes about the number of troops in Iraq and the name of the general in Afghanistan. For the most part both candidates really did a good job, and Palin benefited from not being forced to, you know....name a supreme court case. Gotcha journalism...HA.

What I find so telling about Republicans is that they are now back on the bandwagon saying she is qualified just because she was able to form coherent (barely) complete sentences in response to questions she wasn't even asked. When asked about whether people who defaulted on mortgages should be able to refinance and get a lower principal, she talked about energy and taxes. Awesome. Palin said she will not answer the way Biden or Gwen Ifel want. I guess she forgot that was her only requirement: to follow the rules of the debate. 

The main problem I saw was that there was no substance or specifics to any answers she gave. Biden talked about voting records, numbers, and statistics. He gave locations and specific policy examples about Israel, while Palin just gave vague general answers. If that is doing a good job then I have no idea what a good job is. The fact that the bar was so low for Palin, let her give barely sensible answers to questions and still look good. I feel that Sarah Palin could (don't kill me) be a good leader at some point in the future, but there is no way you can watch this debate and say Palin won or was more qualified than Biden at this time. Biden did an incredible job. He explicitly gave examples of how he and Obama are different that the "Mavericks", and talked about how McCain's views and policy history is not good for the country at this time. Anyone who says Plain won the debate would have said the same if she came out and said " I give up, Alaska, Energy, Taxes, and reign in spending." Wait....umm...

BTW- Fox News just had a poll saying that Palin won the debate according to viewers by 87%. WTF!!!! The economy may be a problem, but the epidemic of stupidity is the real problem that is ruining this country. Also, I love the whole Ifel controversy. No one is talking about the mediator bias now that Palin has established herself as the greatest most brilliant debater ever to stand behind a podium!!!!!

Bill Orielly Likes to Discuss in a Calm Controlled Manner...

Barney Frank was on Bill O talking (more like screaming) about the mortgage crisis and the "Macs". Barney Frank tends to be a grumpy -old- angry- man....just like Bill O, but today Orielly completely curmudgeoned him out. We all know what happens when grumpy old men are up past their bed time. Its the same thing that happens when they are in traffic or have bad service at a restaurant. Barney Frank tried to talk, but Bill just basically used him as a punching bag and blamed him for the financial crisis. If this is the way people think we are going to solve problems in this country we, we are fuckety fucked. Barney Frank is a very intelligent guy that was shamelessly disrespected. If you listen to him he, which Bill doesn't, you see that he was making a lot of sense. Instead Orielly does what he does best. Tabloid, glossy, faux-journalistic filth. And yes I  will be watching tomorrow. It is far from journalism and intelligent political discussion, but like A Current Affair, it is entertaining. Watch this and enjoy. It will be EVERYWHERE!!