10 Best Olympic Moments...

10) The Chinese in general- Whether it was lie telling about Gymnasts' ages, or replacing a child with busted Phelps teeth with a more glorious child in the opening ceremonies, the Chinese have confirmed with authority that they are here to stay. The Chinese opening and closing ceremonies along with the venues (moving 110 million cubic feet of water to create the rowing and sailing venue) and stadiums they built made the United States look like a third world country (Especially with their gold medal performance, even though US still won most medals). Their people cheered even when other countries won, and there constant "we so happy," attitude was made even more entertaining when you know they were nervously looking over their shoulder at communist party officials making notes about how they were acting. The music they played alone represented everything about the "west v east confusing culture clash." No Olympics will be able to replicate the sheer grandeur, magnificence, and visual brilliance of this event. People will be talking about this for years to come. The fact that they were able to pull something off that the world could not even imagine shows how powerful of a country they are. By putting 40 Billion dollars into these games, the Chinese have proven that they may be the new worlds number 1 Superpower. Everyone better listen to Fareed Zakaria in the Post American World because it looks like his theory that the United States empire is being passed up by other countries is happening faster than we all thought. After shock, awe, and joy passed while watching the engineering/ technological masterpiece that was the opening and closing ceremonies, my next emotion was fear. Yes fear. The Chinese will not only surpass the United States dominance, but trample over it and leave it in the dust. If you don't agree then you have a world of pain coming. The best we can do is prepare and think about it as a business opportunity to use the Chinese as a deep consistant market for US goods.

9) Guo Jing Jing's incredible ass- The Chinese are usually lacking in the ass department, but boy did Guo Jing Jing represent (in talent as well and junk in the trunk). Not only did she win a bunch of gold medals in the diving, but her ass should have won a gold medal as well. Guo is a model and all around celebrity in China, but the dump she is working with should make her a world sex symbol. Damn!!!!!! Apparently the Internet is abuzz with finding an allusive ass shot of the diver. When she stood on the board to do any backward diving you could hear the gasp from the crowd and the world. All that cheering and flag waving was for more than the diving believe me.

8) The Horses revolt in Equestrian- Most people don't watch the Olympics at off hours or on Oxygen, but if you did you may have caught one of the most entertaining moments of the Olympics involving uncooperative animals. You can train for years, but you can never prepare for animals that don't want to compete. The athletes of equestrian are not allowed to compete with their own horses, so they have to ride on animals they have never rode on before. This lead to some of the best slap stick comedy I have ever seen. Athlete after athlete fell and was thrown off horses during a day of competing when it was raining and storming out. For some reason all of the horses did not want to be ridden or jump over things. One athlete had the horse fall on top of him then got his leg stuck on the saddle as the horse stood up and took off running. You could play a reel of these mishaps to Benny Hill music and have a 1 million viewed You Tube video is seconds.

7) The Hot Javelin Thrower from Paraguay- Much like Anna Kourikova. Leryn Franco, the Javelin thrower from Paraguay that everyone was drooling over , was a whole lot of style over substance. It didn't make a difference that she was smoking hot, as she was eliminated without making it anywhere. Woops. She was still worth a top ten moment spot, and she managed to get Paraguay into the news. 

6) Russian Pole Vaulter Yelena Isinbayeva- The audience involvement and Olympic spirit that was present during Yelena Isinbayeva's gold medal record breaking performance is everything that you wish for when watching the Olympics. She spent most of the day lying under a towel only to take it off and rally 91,000 people behind her. She broke her own world record and commanded the attention of the world as she did it. I never thought pole vault could be so much fun. 

5) The heart stopping Men's 4 x 100 Freestyle Relay- Do I really need to say anything about this race. 10 meters behind the world record holder, final leg of race, Michael Phelps ability to break Spitz's record on the line. Indescribable. Plus a black guy won a gold medal in swimming. Well what do you know!!! You don't see that much. Busting Rock Fish stereotypes all the way to the gold medal podium. Everything about this race screamed Olympics glory/ NBC vignette.

4) Shawn Johnson and Nasty Luikin- Two Americans against an army of children communist gymnasts (and unfair judges). They kept their composure, performed like true champions, acted like professionals at all times, and looked cute doing it. 

3)Lu Xiang's dejection- Imagine all the pressure of 40 billion dollars spent on your countries Olympics coming down on you. Lu Xiang represented China's ability to compete in a sport of power and speed, much like their ability to compete among the world super powers. Everything and everyone in China was anticipating his race. Lu Xiang's race was really in China's mind as they built the new wonder of the modern world Bird's Nest. Xiang got injured and tried to compete, but couldn't. The look on his face and the silence at the Bird's Nest as he walked off the track was a moment that words cannot describe. He won the 110 meter hurdles 4 years before and everyone wanted him to repeat in his home country. It did not happen. Disappointment in the purest understanding of the word. Kind of funny right? At least in my warped sense of humor.

2) German Weightlifter Matthias Steiner- Matthias Steiner kisses a picture of his late wife Susann on the gold medal podium, choking back tears over the promise he made to her that he would keep their Olympic dream. The super-heavyweight made the pledge to Susann at her bedside in a hospital as she lay dying after a car crash in 2007. This is everything you want in the Olympics and why we wait in anticipation for 4 years. 

1) Michael Phelps/ Usain Bolt- Michael Phelps- 14 career gold medals, 8 in one games, two of them from races that couldn't be scripted better, and one mom made for NBC. Nothing more needs to be said (retarded?). Usain Bolt- 6 foot 5 inches of unimaginable speed, cockiness, and physical awesomeness. His world record breaking performance in the 100 and 200 at 35 mph was only matched by Estonia's Gerd Kanter celebrating his discus gold medal by sprinting down the 100 meter track at the Bird's Nest and mimicking Bolt's marksman routine. Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt were by far the most talented and high profile athletes of the games and deserve the number one spot on any list.

To Best Week Ever...

Best Week Ever has been deeply involved in the investigation wether Michael Phelps is a Douche. Let me be very clear. The answer is Yes and "special". I don't need to look at any pictures or hear any interviews. The fact that he won 8 gold medals in the sport of swimming tells me everything I need to know. As a deprogrammed swimmer, I can tell you that the sport lends itself to creating grade A Douchebags. You wouldn't think it, but as you get deeper into the sport and devote more time to the boring painfully solitary sport, you become more and more douchey. It just comes with the territory. I can't really explain it. I think it has to do with the fact that you have to devote such an insane amount of time to a sport where you are in close proximity to barely clothed females, rarely get to hook up (Although many world class athletes/ swimmers masturbate or have sex right before a race to relax- I swear this is true), and deny yourself the freedom of a normal life. The result is a competitive cockiness immersed in a lack of social communication coupled with an incredible amount of "wannabe". Just like the service industry workers, swimmers slowly replace the world around them and the people closest to them with fellow swimmers and swimmer lifestyle. ( I am sure that makes no sense to anyone) What they think is interesting and cool is actually painfully boring and stupid. The problem is that that they are confident in what they do and how they live. Believe me, its a horrible life. Michael Phelps looks to be a dorky loser that has gained confidence through success in the sport. This creates the most vile and intolerable species of douche. This will only become more clear as he appear more and more in the gossip columns. Plus he's retarded right?

Yinzers Make it to Bejiing!!!

If there is one thing about Pittsburgh, it is its undying dedication to the Pittsburgh Steelers. You may be able to say a lot of things about the city which are less than flattering, but if you live here you know how the Steelers are really of limits. We bleed black and gold. Apparently someone had the where with all to bring a terrible towel all the way to Bejiing and wave it at the women's beach Volleyball gold medal match. Priceless... I swear you will find Steelers fans anywhere in the world. Hell, if we ever make it to Mars I am sure there is a Steeler bar there.

Finally We Can All Move On In LIfe, Its Official...

Michael Phelps broke Spits world record. The United States beat Australia to win the 400 Medley Relay which gave Phelps his 8th gold medal, 7 world records, and one Olympic record. I guess he has 14 or something total (he has 16 Olympic medals, 32 world records which ties Spitz). There was some worry Brendan Hannsen would fuck things up, but he held it together so Lezak could bring it home. Phelps split some insane time. His mom looked like she had an aneurysm/ stroke/ orgasm all at once. His sister was like 1 million, 2 million, 3 million 4. Speedo is giving a million just for breaking Spitz's record. We will be bombarded with vignette after vignette of gooey music and flashes of Phelps shouting roman warrior style over the next 24 hours. By tomorrow night I will wish Phelps never learned how to swim. We can all go home now. Watch a drastic drop in viewership since the big story is over. What Olympics?? Oh yeah there are other events.

One thing that I have to say is that Phelps never thanks God. I don't mind that much when athletes thank god. Thanking Christ is irritating to me, but if they thank god then move on I can tolerate it. Phelps never mentions faith, which I really like. He always talks about determination, drive, and hard work, which is probably his god. Faith and swimming have been fused together for him. He is the higher power that most believe in. His belief, focus on success, and accomplishment pushes out religion and replaces god. Thank God!!! Could you imagine if he was thanking god? After 8 gold medals it would be the most annoying thing in the world!! Plus all those religions nuts would grab him up and exploit him.

Dara Torres got Silver in the 50 meter Freestyle losing her chance to win a individual gold by 1 onehundreth. That must have really sucked. Probably put her into menopause. She had four minutes from her medal ceremony to get her old lady body ready for the 400 medley relay which the United States got silver in as well. The big stories are now over in the Olympics so bring on the synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics.

The US remains 10 gold medals behind China with 17 to 27. US is in the lead with total medals with 57. Hopefully US will pick up a bunch in track in field, because all that matters in gold. Enough with this kissing your sister shit and first loser junk!!!

Spitz v. Phelps Tomorrow...

Michael Phelps has tied Spitz's record for most Golds in an Olympics by barely winning the 100 meter Butterfly. Phelps won the race by 1 onehundreth of a second. The smallest possible margin you can win a race in swimming without getting the same time as another person. When I used to swim people would say that a 1 onehundreth is equal to a sheet of computer paper in thickness. So you can get the idea. Phelps took one extra stroke coming into the wall a half body length behind, which gave him the edge over the second place swimmer, who decided to stretch and glide into the wall. Got it? Phelps broke the Olympic record and won his seventh gold to equal Spitz. Michael Phelps will swim his last race tomorrow in the 400 Medley relay which the United States in favored to win. The old lady Dara Torress also made an appearance tonight qualifying in first place in the 50 Free. She will swim tomorrow in hopes of winning her first gold medal 26 years from her first Olympic appearance. Yeah I know. Shes doped up. Just kidding... Anyfreak, Janet Evans 19 year old record WAS broken in the 800 meter Free by British swimmer Rebecca Adlington, and Brazil ( Cesar Cielo Filho) won the men's 50 Freestyle forcing those French Shreks to second and third place.

Keep a watch for the worlds fastest man tomorrow. All three Americans have qualified for the final and they should battle it out against the Jamaicans. It will be a blaze fest. Zing!!!

Olympic Update... Tyson Homosexual to Begin Quest for Olympics Gold

Women's Gymnastics once again made us hold our breadth last night. Are they shorting the US women in scoring? Are those Chinese 16? What the hell is Bella Karoly talking about? Anywhocares, The US got gold and silver in the women's All Around. Nastasia Liukin and Shawn Johnson went 1-2 pretty much dominating the gymnastics even with getting shorted on points. Many thought that there performances were near perfection, but they were not getting the scores that the Chinese were getting. I mean they did win so I don't know what there is to complain about.

The most important thing is the medal count. Are we winning? Well, Here's how it stands with Phelps winning another gold (needing 2 more to beat Spitz. He has one relay and one individual event left) and Nastasia heir to Gold winning her inevitable gold. US leads with total medals with 45 (14 G 13 S 18B), but China leads Gold medals with 26. They have a total of 41 medals (26 G 9S 6B).

Also keep an eye out for Track and Field. As Swimming and Gymnastics run their course, Track and Field will takeover as the big prime time event. World Champion Tyson "Homosexual" will run the 100 meter quarterfinals to day leading to a gig weekend showdown. Keep your eye on that. Also, at last Trampoline will start this weekend with the Men's final on Monday. Can't wait, best event ever!!!!!

Oh the Drama....

What is with Gymnastics??? Why is there always more plot twists and gasps in an Olympic Gymnastics team competition than a Friday episode of Passions? The team gymnastics unfolded over the last couple of days and so did the tears and cheers. If all the drama is too much for you read this article on Salon to summarize your feelings. First, the rather douchebaggy men's U.S. team surprised everyone and managed to win a Bronze. It was a pretty inspiring competition until the team opened their mouths and you realized they were a bunch of little guys trying to to make up for their size with a Napoleonic complex. The US team lost two of their best gymnasts and had to replace them with alternates. After leading the Chinese and staying in first place, they put everyone on edge and fell into third place only to hold on with a great last routine and win the Bronze. How:

I'm sorry I had to add the American Anthem picture after all that "final routine" talk. Not to be out done by the men, the Women competed today, also down a couple team members due to injury. They were in second place and had an opportunity to beat the Chinese and win the gold, but fell apart on the balance beam, and stepped out of bounds a bunch of times on the floor exercise. They still won the silver which is pretty good without all of their best midgets running around. I have to say that Shawn Johnson must be part Bulldog or something. The girl is built like a line backer, but is the size of Dakota Fanning. She could take out Serena Williams with one close line!!! She is incredible. She never messes up and flips like Sonic the Hedgehog. I wish I could say that this is the last time we will have to give ourselves a headache trying to understand what the hell Bella Karoly is saying but its not. The All Around competition and event finals are still to come.

In other Olympic news Michael Phelps continues to break records adding 2 more gold medals to his mantel of 11. He has become the all time gold medal leader. He has proved that he is not human, is retarded, and is a deformity of human physicality competing on a level that is unimaginable by what ever created man. He won the 200 hundred butterfly and broke the World Record with his goggles filled with water. They should really make him doggy paddle to make this fair to everyone else. He also smashed the 4 x 200 meter relay World Record with the American team going under 7 minutes. They are the first team to break 7 minutes in history beating the previous world record by 4 seconds!! 

China still leads total golds with 14 while US has 9. US leads total medals with 26 while China has 22.  After Gymnastics and Diving is over the US may be able to close the gap on golds and take over the lead. I think Track and Field and BMX biking should give the US an edge.

14 Year Old Brit Blows it...

I could not imagine being the youngest competitor at the Olympics, but 14 year old British diver Tom Daley knows exactly what it feels like. He also, apparently, knows what it feels like to have your partner in synchronized diving pick you up and throw you directly under the tires on the bus. After having their medal hopes eliminated by finishing 8th in last place, Blake Aldridge said this about his 14 year old partner:

"It's a synchro team, there's two of us, and that's the hard thing about it. Both of you have to be on your game at the same time and that just didn't happen today. Thomas is 14 years old... I knew, going into this Olympic Games, that we were capable of a medal, but I also knew that it depended on how Tom performed. I wasn't on the top of my game, but I out-dived Thomas today and that's not something that normally happens. That to me is because he had a lot more pressure on him than I did. I'm not disappointed with my performance. I wasn't at my best but I landed on my head with every single dive, which was my aim. But it was hard work for me today. Tom was very nervous, more so than ever before. I think he really struggled to get through the competition, and as his partner it was hard for me to get up there and try and ease him into it. Unfortunately for me, it didn't work today." He then added "He had a pop at me before the last dive, when we were sitting down. I saw my mum in the audience and I asked her to give me a call and Tom went to me, 'Why are you on the phone? We're still in the competition and we've got another dive to do.' That's just Thomas - he's over-nervous and that's how it was today. Thomas should not be worrying about what I'm doing, but today he was worrying about everyone and everything and that to me is really the sole reason why he didn't perform today."

It could have been worse, but for a 14 year old that is pretty harsh. I think even getting to the Olympics is winning when you are 14, but I guess that is why I am not a champion. He should have just said "Yeah Tom folded like an Accordion. I was perfect but he fucked it up for us and our country. All of our hard work is ruined because of Tom's shitty diving."

Lets Try This Again....

Here is another video of 4 x 100 meter relay Gold Medal race. Watch it before NBC finds out about it and takes it down again. You can watch it at NBC homepage, but Macs need not apply!!

Stupid Frogs!!!

Last night had undoubtedly one of the greatest Olympics moments in sports history. (The video is above but I think NBC pulled it from you tube). If that doesn't work follow this link. The United States men's 4 x 100 Freestyle beat the reigning world champion French team by 8 one hundredths of a second. It came down to a touch finish with the United States catching and beating the French in the last 5 meters. The excitement and thrill of the race was everything NBC wishes for. The bad blood between both teams was a story in itself. The French had said that they were going to smash the U.S team doing what a wrecking ball does to a building. This only inspired the Americans (who broke the world record in the semifinals only to take out a swimmer and replace him with Phelps to allow Phelps to chase Spitz's record). The Americans trailed the French by 0.60 seconds in the final 50 metres. Heading to the wall for France was Alain Bernard, the world-record holder in the 100 freestyle, with American Jason Lezak (the oldest swimmer on the team) giving chase. Lezak not only caught Bernard but split the fastest ever recorded 100 meter at 46.06. The Americans were body lengths in front of the world record they previously set smashing with a time of 3 minutes 8.24 seconds. So the only smashing that went on with the Americans was the world record. That shut up the French and will make for a great 100 meter Freestyle with Bernard. If you haven't seen this race I would definitely try to catch it on the million replays that NBC will be playing. It is incredible and has everything that you want when watching a sporting event. Behind the one footed Kerri Shrugg vault, I don't think any Olympic moment can touch this in shear glory. It will forever be played over inspiring music. In other Olympic news the United States has 12 total medals only three of which are gold. China has 14 medals with 9 golds, and South Korea has 8 medals 4 golds (Archery cleaned up). Women's Gymnastics started last night and so did the drama. What is with this sport. I guess our team is injured or something, and so the story begins.

Medal Count...

Chins is pulling ahead in the medal race with a total of 8 medals six of which are gold. The United States have 8 total medals as well, but only 5 are gold. South Korea surprisingly is making a strong showing with 5 medals of which 3 are gold. South Korea performed very well in Archery. Meanwhile China is dominating Badminton, easily moving threw the brackets on top. China added to their medal count with wins in shooting, 3m synchronized springboard, weightlifting, and Judo. The US swimmers are doing well with one gold won by Phelps and 3 bronzes and a silver going to other members of the team. Off topic, did you know that many swimmers either masturbate or have sex before a race? I was a swimmer and I remember hearing that many Olympic swimmers do this because it relaxes them. There is some freaky shit going on in that cube. Also did anyone notice the smog during rowing? The athletes are rowing through early 2oth century Pittsburgh. Keep an eye out for Ryan Hall in the marathon. He is supposed to be incredible. Tennis will also start soon. Rafeal Nadal should tear shit up!

Is Michael Phelps Retarded?

Michael Phelps may be the best athlete to ever compete in any sport. Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer. None of them, arguably, dominate a sport like Phelps. Already 8 medals. Maybe 8 more. But, the question that we all ask is... Is Phelps retarded? Maybe not -can't -support- self retarded, but I'm talking about slow. Can a person be that focused on winning and training without be distracted by insecurity, doubt, self awareness, or life questions, which aren't things that dumb people can relate to. Obviously his physical condition is a deformity, but is his mental condition also a deformity? He sure sounds retarded when he talks. Am I right or am I right? Right? Is this something that needs to be discussed probably not. Does he qualify for special olympics? I don't know. Am I going to hell? Yes. See you all there. Michael Phelps broke his own world record by 2 seconds winning his first gold of Beijing. Career gold medal 7, 3 away from breaking all the records. US leads overall with 8 medals. China has Gold medal lead with 3. 

First Medal Update...

Well Phelps already broke the 400 IM Olympic record in the prelims. Tonight is the only shot of anyone beating him at all. Most swimmers are shooting for second against Phelps. Tonight fellow American may have a shot to beat him in the 400IM finals. Follow this link to get all the updates. The US has gotten all of their medals from fencing which they swept. China is in the lead for golds with 2. US is in over all lead with 3 medals.

The Olympics Are Coming, The Olympics Are Coming!!!

What will surely be the biggest disaster of an Olympics since the 70's, starts tomorrow. Already the Chinese government has bulldozed private housing to build stadium "for honor of great country", thrown random journalists in prison, made arbitrary arrests, and have run into problems with their Chinese to English translation for tourists. This all before NBC has run its first piece on an athlete's personal story with sappy piano music playing in the background.  I can only imagine the dearth of corruption in the judging sports. The U.S athletes will have to dig deep from within to win which will allow freedom to prevail!!! The 80's/ early 90's are really coming back because this Olympics is a dead ringer for that era's sports movies (American Anthem? Best of the Best?)

The shit storm/ utter chaos that may occur will be way better than any reality TV show that VH1 could master mind. Seeing the Chinese government deal with tourists and the inevitable liberal activist groups (not to mention terrorists) that make their  way into the country to use the Olympics as a stage for their human rights protests maybe more entertaining than Olympic Horse Dressage....maybe. I will try to do by best in covering the crowd favorite gold medal race, and any sport that that wouldn't normally see the light of prime time. (Of course ratings gold Rhythmic Gymnastics, and Synchronized Swimming will be blogged about to increase my reader base...sure). In all reality, be prepared for me to cover Ping-Pong, Badminton, and Trampoline (greatest Olympic sport ever). Actually, you will probably not hear another word about the Olympics in China out of this blog.