Finally We Can All Move On In LIfe, Its Official...

Michael Phelps broke Spits world record. The United States beat Australia to win the 400 Medley Relay which gave Phelps his 8th gold medal, 7 world records, and one Olympic record. I guess he has 14 or something total (he has 16 Olympic medals, 32 world records which ties Spitz). There was some worry Brendan Hannsen would fuck things up, but he held it together so Lezak could bring it home. Phelps split some insane time. His mom looked like she had an aneurysm/ stroke/ orgasm all at once. His sister was like 1 million, 2 million, 3 million 4. Speedo is giving a million just for breaking Spitz's record. We will be bombarded with vignette after vignette of gooey music and flashes of Phelps shouting roman warrior style over the next 24 hours. By tomorrow night I will wish Phelps never learned how to swim. We can all go home now. Watch a drastic drop in viewership since the big story is over. What Olympics?? Oh yeah there are other events.

One thing that I have to say is that Phelps never thanks God. I don't mind that much when athletes thank god. Thanking Christ is irritating to me, but if they thank god then move on I can tolerate it. Phelps never mentions faith, which I really like. He always talks about determination, drive, and hard work, which is probably his god. Faith and swimming have been fused together for him. He is the higher power that most believe in. His belief, focus on success, and accomplishment pushes out religion and replaces god. Thank God!!! Could you imagine if he was thanking god? After 8 gold medals it would be the most annoying thing in the world!! Plus all those religions nuts would grab him up and exploit him.

Dara Torres got Silver in the 50 meter Freestyle losing her chance to win a individual gold by 1 onehundreth. That must have really sucked. Probably put her into menopause. She had four minutes from her medal ceremony to get her old lady body ready for the 400 medley relay which the United States got silver in as well. The big stories are now over in the Olympics so bring on the synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics.

The US remains 10 gold medals behind China with 17 to 27. US is in the lead with total medals with 57. Hopefully US will pick up a bunch in track in field, because all that matters in gold. Enough with this kissing your sister shit and first loser junk!!!