Sunday Video...

NSFL. NSFL. NSFL. It is time for that Sunday video post. This post may be so insanely influential on your psyche that you should stop reading now and forget about this post all together. In fact I almost feel bad even giving the begining steps to allowing this video into a person's life. With that said, I have to do a Sunday video post, and this is all I could come up with.  Its from last December, but since the Olympics just happened I figured it would be topical. Its a little different than last weeks Breakfast club dance club. In the vain of Two Girls and a Cup, and Bath Tub Girl, the internet is responsible for showing people the bizarre places that the human mind can go. Well, there is another one that made its rounds around the email world , and I am going to show you the reaction video. I am not- NOT- posting the video or any links. Its up to you to find it yourself. For legal and moral reasons I have made this choice. Since I have built this up so much, and you are curious, but worried I will at least ruin it for you a little and say this: It is fake ( believe me or not), and it has been around for a while, so if you have seen it you know not to watch it again. Now you are really intrigued huh? This all may be serious or I may just be bustin your balls. You figure it out. 

P.S. - The reaction is no where near as good as the the video that started it all: THE GRANDMA REACTION TO 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP. Absolute classic. Watch that one here.

No Its Not a Joke... "Sarah Palin and Tall"

(Via Wonkette) John McCain must have really been having a senior moment when he picked his Vice President candidate. Palin is in the middle of a huge political scandal that has basically ruined her reputation in Alaska, and almost ran her out of the state. Sarah Palin is basically your typical "soccer mom" who got bored driving her kids to sports camp and decided to try politics. Well what do you know, she is now a Vice Presidential candidate. You know Sarah and Cindy McCain have the best meds. They probably go to the same doctor to get their Valium and Percs. Stay at home moms love to pop pills. McCain figured that he could court the disgruntled Hillary voters who Fox News made it seem where fleeing the Democratic party in droves after the Hillary debacle. The problem is that Fox News was over exaggerating the rift in the party, and after Obamapalloza on Thursday night the Democratic party is pretty united. Palin is super pro life and doesn't get the Federal government from- being in Alaska. That's pretty much her politics. Pro Life/ less taxes and government. By the way Palin was 9 years old when McCain was first elected to Congress. Nice. This lady is a former beauty pageant winner, so prepared for the most cookie cutter hollow statements. Joe Biden will absolutely tear this lady limb from limb in a debate. It is almost smart because no matter what Biden says it will look mean. Basically, McCain was trying to fins someone who could change his depends when Cindy nods off on Oxycontin. I think he found the person. Was that too far? I hope. 

Holy Shit!!! I thought the Olympics Closing Ceremony Was Over...

You know John McCain is throwing his living room lamps against the wall with his stubby little arms. That comment about McCain "not following BinLaden to his cave" may have given McCain a heart attack and an aneurysm all while destroying his Depends. Obama's speech just ended and let me tell you it was a spectacle. It started out just as cheesy as any Hollywood movie from The Astronaut Farmer to Armageddon, and couldn't have ended anymore Blockbuster than Independence Day. Did anyone catch that weird music they played at the end after the shameless Brookes and Dunn song? It sounded like the end to Batman as the Dark Night rides off into the night to go after more bad guys. Anyridiculous, the speech was insanely awesome, and what made it better was seeing Fox News "Analysts" run around like chickens with their heads cut off. They are trying to come up with negatives, but are just clucking a bunch of jargon nonsense. Some aren't even trying to come up with something bad. Bill Crystal and Fred Barnes just said the speech was "wildly entertaining and highly effective". If these guys are saying good things about this speech, I am not sure if McCain will be able to show his face after this. I am almost embarrassed for McCain just thinking about how he will compete with this performance. He should just walk out with his head down waiving the white flag. This was like a knockout punch in the 3rd round. Poor McCain, his annoying use of the words "my friends," sound so pathetic up against Obama's leader of the common man- messiah-chosen one- leader of the universe language. As I watch Fox News I see that the talking points against this speech are not coming in fast enough because Chris Wallace also said that it was incredible. Charles Krauthammer just said that the "brilliance of the political mind behind this is staggering." Bret Hume is blushing!!!! HAHAH. Overall if Fox can give this Hollywood blockbuster 4 stars I think it was a success.

P.S- that was only three minutes above- The rest is here if you missed it.

Why Haven't I Seen Tropic Thunder????

For a movie described as highly offensive, attacking on all levels, making jokes at the expense of race, obesity and cognitive disabilities,  Tropic Thunder has somehow alluded by viewing this summer. After wasting 75 dollars on tickets, popcorn, and sour patch kids for Pineapple Express and the Dark Knight, I am deeply troubled that I let a movie like Tropic Thunder fall behind such mediocre entertainment. Pineapple Express was suppose to be some great stoner flick, and they didn't even manage to get one political group to complain about it. Tropic Thunder enraged the likes of Special Olympics, The Catholic Church, and The Disability Rights Coalition. Success!!! How have I not seen this? Timothy Shriver is calling for an out right banning of the movie with a calling of the entire Tropic Thunder team to stop showing the movie and pulling it from any theatres still showing it. WHAT? This is America right? This always gets me about the PC crowd. They are usually liberal and get on the religious right for wanting to push values on everyone, but the minute they are offended they cry bloody murder wanting everyone to censor offensive material. 

It is amazing to think that a movie will bread intolerance. It is just as bad as saying music or video games will create violence. Aggravate-maybe...but create- no. It is the parents job to censor movies, not the movie company. Shriver has gone as far as calling retarded the R-word equating it with the N-word. WTF!!! Retarded is a word usually used to make a joke and not thrown around to substitute for hate. Implying that it is somehow as bad as a word that represents hundreds of years of oppression and discrimination is irresponsible? What, should we not be allowed to say flame retardant? These are the people that lose elections for the Democrats. South Park and Family Guy consistently offend every person that they can think of offending. This is why they are successful and people like them. How in the hell can Timmy exist and Cartmen pretend he is retarded if Striver accomplishes what he wants? I urge everyone to go see Tropic Thunder multiple times. Laugh at Ben Stiller playing simple Jack ("Never go full retarded" may be one of the best lines ever in a movie and its not because it is making fun of retarded people. The joke is on Hollywood). Make it known that you think it is funny. If we don't have a sense of humor what do we have? How are we suppose to stay sane in this world without a sense of humor. This is an R rated movie aimed at adults. If adults cannot understand the humor and jokes in this movie and are coerced into being intolerant then they are fucking retards!!!!

And since I am already going to hell, does anyone have video of cognitively disabled people protesting the release of the movie? I doesn't hurt to ask, just saying...

The Mad Scientist of Drunk...

A professor at CMU has managed to get himself 3 DUI's in 8 days. Yes 3. Professor Jeffory Hunker, a professor in the H. John Heinz III School of Public Policy and Management and former dean of the school, was initially cited Aug. 17, after police said he drove through a neighbor's yard on Squirrel Hill Avenue, ran over a small tree, smashed into a car and then slammed into a house. And that was before he had a drink, just kidding. His blood alchol was .262. Since that morning, city police have charged him with DUI two more times, most recently on Sunday, and police say he also has a prior conviction for DUI.  You know this intellectual is an avid reader of the Modern Drunkard Magazine. The former computer seucrity director in the Clinton administration continues to drive after repeated DUI's and neighbors are beginning to worry. After the initial accidents witness's say that Hunker tried to get back into the car and drive away. Police nexted stopped "DrHunker" on North Craig street after noticing his BMW with heavy rear end damaged. When they pulled him over he mumbled some shit and failed a field sobriety test. His BAC was .173. His final DUI on Sunday resulted when neighbors called saying that Dr. Drunk was suicidal. When police arrived Professor Hooch ( I could go on forever) was gone in a new BMW. As police questioned neighbors they saw the car pass. Police pulled him over, and he was uncooperative in taking the breathalyzer. He later admitted to drinking a pint of Vodka. The car has not been seen at Drunker's house in the past couple days, so be on the look out for a BMW terrorizing the streets of Oakland and Squirrel Hill.

This is no laughing matter and is very sad, but getting 3 DUI's in 8 days is a pretty remarkable feet that needs to be recognized in the reckless -life -sucks department. This guy must be one major drunk. I can only imagine what his lectures are like. If you take notes they probably look exactly like my notes when I am falling asleep during class. I bunch of chicken scratch with words that don't make sense slanting down to the line below.

THANK YOU DIDDY!!!!!!!!

BEFORE              AND AFTER

I was just waiting for someone to acknowledge the fact that Aubrey O'Dey looks like a tranny-racoon-prostitute-pornstar. She was hot- now she is not. Unless you like that porn star tranny look. Finally it happened last night on Making the Band. Puff had a meeting were he asked Aubrey what she wants to look like. Aubrey came back and said all this junk of looking like a member of the band or whatever. Puff then asked her if she wanted to look like Pamela Anderson. She replied "no, I want to look like a tranny racoon clown!" Just kidding, it doesn't matter what she said, what matters is that Puff said what we are all thinking. He said Aubrey does not look like the girl that he put in the band. The girl that was on the first three seasons of the show. What we liked about Aubrey in the beginning is gone. What is left is a worn out pornstar on the level of todays Pamela Anderson but 30 years younger. Aubrey looks beat straight up. Too much fake shit and too much makeup. There is nothing appealing about her anymore. Get rid of her because there are hundreds of girls that can do what she does better, and her drag queen attitude is useless. Puff is her manager and she needs to realize that she works for him. If your boss doesn't like you looking like a clown and running around with pornstars to get attention, then you need to stop. Humpf...

10 Best Olympic Moments...

10) The Chinese in general- Whether it was lie telling about Gymnasts' ages, or replacing a child with busted Phelps teeth with a more glorious child in the opening ceremonies, the Chinese have confirmed with authority that they are here to stay. The Chinese opening and closing ceremonies along with the venues (moving 110 million cubic feet of water to create the rowing and sailing venue) and stadiums they built made the United States look like a third world country (Especially with their gold medal performance, even though US still won most medals). Their people cheered even when other countries won, and there constant "we so happy," attitude was made even more entertaining when you know they were nervously looking over their shoulder at communist party officials making notes about how they were acting. The music they played alone represented everything about the "west v east confusing culture clash." No Olympics will be able to replicate the sheer grandeur, magnificence, and visual brilliance of this event. People will be talking about this for years to come. The fact that they were able to pull something off that the world could not even imagine shows how powerful of a country they are. By putting 40 Billion dollars into these games, the Chinese have proven that they may be the new worlds number 1 Superpower. Everyone better listen to Fareed Zakaria in the Post American World because it looks like his theory that the United States empire is being passed up by other countries is happening faster than we all thought. After shock, awe, and joy passed while watching the engineering/ technological masterpiece that was the opening and closing ceremonies, my next emotion was fear. Yes fear. The Chinese will not only surpass the United States dominance, but trample over it and leave it in the dust. If you don't agree then you have a world of pain coming. The best we can do is prepare and think about it as a business opportunity to use the Chinese as a deep consistant market for US goods.

9) Guo Jing Jing's incredible ass- The Chinese are usually lacking in the ass department, but boy did Guo Jing Jing represent (in talent as well and junk in the trunk). Not only did she win a bunch of gold medals in the diving, but her ass should have won a gold medal as well. Guo is a model and all around celebrity in China, but the dump she is working with should make her a world sex symbol. Damn!!!!!! Apparently the Internet is abuzz with finding an allusive ass shot of the diver. When she stood on the board to do any backward diving you could hear the gasp from the crowd and the world. All that cheering and flag waving was for more than the diving believe me.

8) The Horses revolt in Equestrian- Most people don't watch the Olympics at off hours or on Oxygen, but if you did you may have caught one of the most entertaining moments of the Olympics involving uncooperative animals. You can train for years, but you can never prepare for animals that don't want to compete. The athletes of equestrian are not allowed to compete with their own horses, so they have to ride on animals they have never rode on before. This lead to some of the best slap stick comedy I have ever seen. Athlete after athlete fell and was thrown off horses during a day of competing when it was raining and storming out. For some reason all of the horses did not want to be ridden or jump over things. One athlete had the horse fall on top of him then got his leg stuck on the saddle as the horse stood up and took off running. You could play a reel of these mishaps to Benny Hill music and have a 1 million viewed You Tube video is seconds.

7) The Hot Javelin Thrower from Paraguay- Much like Anna Kourikova. Leryn Franco, the Javelin thrower from Paraguay that everyone was drooling over , was a whole lot of style over substance. It didn't make a difference that she was smoking hot, as she was eliminated without making it anywhere. Woops. She was still worth a top ten moment spot, and she managed to get Paraguay into the news. 

6) Russian Pole Vaulter Yelena Isinbayeva- The audience involvement and Olympic spirit that was present during Yelena Isinbayeva's gold medal record breaking performance is everything that you wish for when watching the Olympics. She spent most of the day lying under a towel only to take it off and rally 91,000 people behind her. She broke her own world record and commanded the attention of the world as she did it. I never thought pole vault could be so much fun. 

5) The heart stopping Men's 4 x 100 Freestyle Relay- Do I really need to say anything about this race. 10 meters behind the world record holder, final leg of race, Michael Phelps ability to break Spitz's record on the line. Indescribable. Plus a black guy won a gold medal in swimming. Well what do you know!!! You don't see that much. Busting Rock Fish stereotypes all the way to the gold medal podium. Everything about this race screamed Olympics glory/ NBC vignette.

4) Shawn Johnson and Nasty Luikin- Two Americans against an army of children communist gymnasts (and unfair judges). They kept their composure, performed like true champions, acted like professionals at all times, and looked cute doing it. 

3)Lu Xiang's dejection- Imagine all the pressure of 40 billion dollars spent on your countries Olympics coming down on you. Lu Xiang represented China's ability to compete in a sport of power and speed, much like their ability to compete among the world super powers. Everything and everyone in China was anticipating his race. Lu Xiang's race was really in China's mind as they built the new wonder of the modern world Bird's Nest. Xiang got injured and tried to compete, but couldn't. The look on his face and the silence at the Bird's Nest as he walked off the track was a moment that words cannot describe. He won the 110 meter hurdles 4 years before and everyone wanted him to repeat in his home country. It did not happen. Disappointment in the purest understanding of the word. Kind of funny right? At least in my warped sense of humor.

2) German Weightlifter Matthias Steiner- Matthias Steiner kisses a picture of his late wife Susann on the gold medal podium, choking back tears over the promise he made to her that he would keep their Olympic dream. The super-heavyweight made the pledge to Susann at her bedside in a hospital as she lay dying after a car crash in 2007. This is everything you want in the Olympics and why we wait in anticipation for 4 years. 

1) Michael Phelps/ Usain Bolt- Michael Phelps- 14 career gold medals, 8 in one games, two of them from races that couldn't be scripted better, and one mom made for NBC. Nothing more needs to be said (retarded?). Usain Bolt- 6 foot 5 inches of unimaginable speed, cockiness, and physical awesomeness. His world record breaking performance in the 100 and 200 at 35 mph was only matched by Estonia's Gerd Kanter celebrating his discus gold medal by sprinting down the 100 meter track at the Bird's Nest and mimicking Bolt's marksman routine. Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt were by far the most talented and high profile athletes of the games and deserve the number one spot on any list.

Sunday Video...

I am in the process of doing an Olympic round up of the top ten best moments of the Beijing games. I am not quit there yet, but decided that I had to do a Sunday post. I got distracted with watching the Breakfast Club on HBO. With the closing ceremonies, the spoiled brats in 3rd world country show, and a bunch of other crap on tonight, I am sure my posting for tomorrow will be some serious shit. For that reason I decided to post a video everyone can enjoy. I know the nineties are coming back hardcore. Neon colors and hats with the brims flipped up are becoming more and more common. Before you know it everyone is going to be dressing and living life like a Newport Cigarette ad from 1992 (Rollerblades and all). I am just waiting for Hypercolor to start popping up again (actually, American Apparel plans to offer Hypercolor T-shirts by the end of 2008, for fifty dollars no doubt- Can someone just blow that store up already?). No matter how hard it hits it can never equal the cultural iconography of the 1980's. And nothing represents that to me quit like this scene from the Breakfast Club. Enjoy. I only wish that I could be as cool as this video (I am being 100% non sarcastic. I am deadly serious).

I know that most people will be drawn to Molly Ringworm's totally awesome 80's dance moves, but Judd Nelson on that Rhino thing is absolutely priceless. Eat Shit!!!!!

Obama Picks Joe Biden For VP...

Barrack Obama has chosen Joe Biden to be his running mate for President of the United States. Mnay have thought that this will give a boost to Obama's struggling campaign. The choice of Biden will undoubtedly create the longest winded presidential ticket in the history of the United States. Obama already is over explanatory in his responses, and with the addition of Bidens verbose speaking style, we will hear even longer nuanced, conditional, carefully worded cautious answers to questions. Biden is said to give Obama a boast in national security and international affairs policy. Many have predicted Biden as the choice so this does not surprise anyone. Lets hope that this helps Barrack because the Change We Can Believe in frenzy that won him the nomination has really disappeared, and what we have been left with is a boring, confused, overly defensive politician. Americans like sound bites and platitudes. Obama better give them up soon or Hillary may be brought back from the dead Voodoo style at the convention.

This is True Poetry...

This video truly brings a tear to my eye...from laughing. Like Tupac Shakur, T-Baby manages to express the emotional complexity that living on the streets can create. Her lyrics and imagery allows the world to truly understand the consequences of violence and strife on inner city life. Only through the poetry and art of T-Baby can we see progress and change in impoverished areas of this country. If Smell Yo Dick didn't exist I would say this is the best video I've seen on you tube, but it does so I can't.

Has Everyone Seen This?

This video was huge on the internets this week. I have always known that Britney Spears had no talent as a singer, but only now we truly understand how little talent she actually has. I think the thing that really makes this video is the conviction and dedication she puts in to singing like shit. Its like a slow American Idol reject holding their hand up to their ear as they shreek to Alicia Key's. Actually that would probably sound better than this.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

To Best Week Ever...

Best Week Ever has been deeply involved in the investigation wether Michael Phelps is a Douche. Let me be very clear. The answer is Yes and "special". I don't need to look at any pictures or hear any interviews. The fact that he won 8 gold medals in the sport of swimming tells me everything I need to know. As a deprogrammed swimmer, I can tell you that the sport lends itself to creating grade A Douchebags. You wouldn't think it, but as you get deeper into the sport and devote more time to the boring painfully solitary sport, you become more and more douchey. It just comes with the territory. I can't really explain it. I think it has to do with the fact that you have to devote such an insane amount of time to a sport where you are in close proximity to barely clothed females, rarely get to hook up (Although many world class athletes/ swimmers masturbate or have sex right before a race to relax- I swear this is true), and deny yourself the freedom of a normal life. The result is a competitive cockiness immersed in a lack of social communication coupled with an incredible amount of "wannabe". Just like the service industry workers, swimmers slowly replace the world around them and the people closest to them with fellow swimmers and swimmer lifestyle. ( I am sure that makes no sense to anyone) What they think is interesting and cool is actually painfully boring and stupid. The problem is that that they are confident in what they do and how they live. Believe me, its a horrible life. Michael Phelps looks to be a dorky loser that has gained confidence through success in the sport. This creates the most vile and intolerable species of douche. This will only become more clear as he appear more and more in the gossip columns. Plus he's retarded right?

Yinzers Make it to Bejiing!!!

If there is one thing about Pittsburgh, it is its undying dedication to the Pittsburgh Steelers. You may be able to say a lot of things about the city which are less than flattering, but if you live here you know how the Steelers are really of limits. We bleed black and gold. Apparently someone had the where with all to bring a terrible towel all the way to Bejiing and wave it at the women's beach Volleyball gold medal match. Priceless... I swear you will find Steelers fans anywhere in the world. Hell, if we ever make it to Mars I am sure there is a Steeler bar there.

I Can't Believe It Was a Hoax!!!!

To everyones shock, it was revealed today that the Big Foot catch was a Hoax. WHAT!!! NOOOOOOO! The third guy that the hunters brought into tell people they had caught a Big Foot (and who paid them money) got suspicious so he hired a private investigator to trail the hunters. The PI found the Big Foot costume and the hunters admitted they had made it up. The third guy Rick who runs his own Big Foot Website planned to meet the hunters at a Hotel in California, but they never showed, and no one knows where they are now. HAHAHAHAHAHA. What gets me about this story is that there is no scepticism in the press anymore. CNN and Fox News covered this story. So did I, but purely for the entertainment aspect of it. This story got more coverage than John McCain saying that countries just don't invade other countries in the 21 century. For one millisecond I actually wondered if these guys found something. Then I shook my head and patiently waited for the news I heard today. I love that fact that one of the hunters that defrauded the other guys was a cop. Of course.

Finally We Can All Move On In LIfe, Its Official...

Michael Phelps broke Spits world record. The United States beat Australia to win the 400 Medley Relay which gave Phelps his 8th gold medal, 7 world records, and one Olympic record. I guess he has 14 or something total (he has 16 Olympic medals, 32 world records which ties Spitz). There was some worry Brendan Hannsen would fuck things up, but he held it together so Lezak could bring it home. Phelps split some insane time. His mom looked like she had an aneurysm/ stroke/ orgasm all at once. His sister was like 1 million, 2 million, 3 million 4. Speedo is giving a million just for breaking Spitz's record. We will be bombarded with vignette after vignette of gooey music and flashes of Phelps shouting roman warrior style over the next 24 hours. By tomorrow night I will wish Phelps never learned how to swim. We can all go home now. Watch a drastic drop in viewership since the big story is over. What Olympics?? Oh yeah there are other events.

One thing that I have to say is that Phelps never thanks God. I don't mind that much when athletes thank god. Thanking Christ is irritating to me, but if they thank god then move on I can tolerate it. Phelps never mentions faith, which I really like. He always talks about determination, drive, and hard work, which is probably his god. Faith and swimming have been fused together for him. He is the higher power that most believe in. His belief, focus on success, and accomplishment pushes out religion and replaces god. Thank God!!! Could you imagine if he was thanking god? After 8 gold medals it would be the most annoying thing in the world!! Plus all those religions nuts would grab him up and exploit him.

Dara Torres got Silver in the 50 meter Freestyle losing her chance to win a individual gold by 1 onehundreth. That must have really sucked. Probably put her into menopause. She had four minutes from her medal ceremony to get her old lady body ready for the 400 medley relay which the United States got silver in as well. The big stories are now over in the Olympics so bring on the synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics.

The US remains 10 gold medals behind China with 17 to 27. US is in the lead with total medals with 57. Hopefully US will pick up a bunch in track in field, because all that matters in gold. Enough with this kissing your sister shit and first loser junk!!!

Spitz v. Phelps Tomorrow...

Michael Phelps has tied Spitz's record for most Golds in an Olympics by barely winning the 100 meter Butterfly. Phelps won the race by 1 onehundreth of a second. The smallest possible margin you can win a race in swimming without getting the same time as another person. When I used to swim people would say that a 1 onehundreth is equal to a sheet of computer paper in thickness. So you can get the idea. Phelps took one extra stroke coming into the wall a half body length behind, which gave him the edge over the second place swimmer, who decided to stretch and glide into the wall. Got it? Phelps broke the Olympic record and won his seventh gold to equal Spitz. Michael Phelps will swim his last race tomorrow in the 400 Medley relay which the United States in favored to win. The old lady Dara Torress also made an appearance tonight qualifying in first place in the 50 Free. She will swim tomorrow in hopes of winning her first gold medal 26 years from her first Olympic appearance. Yeah I know. Shes doped up. Just kidding... Anyfreak, Janet Evans 19 year old record WAS broken in the 800 meter Free by British swimmer Rebecca Adlington, and Brazil ( Cesar Cielo Filho) won the men's 50 Freestyle forcing those French Shreks to second and third place.

Keep a watch for the worlds fastest man tomorrow. All three Americans have qualified for the final and they should battle it out against the Jamaicans. It will be a blaze fest. Zing!!!

Big Foot Live Blog... Read or watch below.

3:00 - Hunters were unbelievers until they saw. They understand how unbelievable this all is

- Hunters don't seem retarded, slow, dumb, country, redneck, or insane

- They are trying to protect the species, that is why they are not telling the location

**** Fox gives up at this point. WHAT!!!! what news could be more important than this? Ok website has the feed.

3:21- People in the scientific community have been contacted but they don't know their names.

-They don't make sounds,  they walk upright, and paralleled (?) the hunters

-Again protecting habitat is most important

- Hunter says that a lot of the people in the Big Foot world are delusional or jealous(?)

****Arrest at Disneyland of people dressed like Mickey Mouse!!!

3:24- They were afraid of the Big Foots at first and were shocked 

- Tom is in this with Rick and lead Hunter that is talking (?)

- They weren't tracking Big Foot, smells like something dead, but unlike anything that he has smelt before that is dead.

- They don't plan on "hunting" to kill. They want research done on Big Foot, so they want to go out and catch a live one. This is the real purpose of all of this.

- Bi-pedal

- Deranged women from Nevada convinced Big Foot people that she had one in captivity until they realized she was insane then separated themselves from her.

- All money taken from people was reimbursed

- "How much money do you want to make from this?" answer: As much as we can

- They say there is between 3500 and 7000 of these. This one was male.

- Why now after thousands of years have we found one? answer: planes crashed and we never found the people (?) Bear skeletons aren't found in the wild (?) 

- Movie will be released of other Big Foots walking.

3:30- Body will not be shown to public until scientist are done, and Megan Kelly from Fox News will be first to see it!!!! How fitting.

- DNA evidence will be released to reporters at end of news conference

- DNA has come back as human, inconclusive, and Possum on three tests

- Curt Nelson University of Minnesota is the scientist doing the test

3:24- News conference feed ends. 

So I guess these people aren't crazy or as crazy as we thought. They really believe this thing is real, and definitely saw and have something. Whether it is an organic once living mammal is still uncertain. Megan Kelly will be first to see remains after scientists are done with it. The DNA evidence is being released to reporters at the end of conference. DNA has come back inconclusive and human (the possum was from what it ate). They want to protect these things and catch one to do more tests on it. They are not affiliated with "deranged" women from Nevada. There are thousands of these all over the continent, and this is the first time humans have gotten this kind of proof because planes have crashed and we have never found human remains or the wreckage. Also, bear skeletons aren't ever seen in nature. This is all too compelling. I may win the Peebody for my coverage of this. I will try to clean this up, and update any new footage that is released. Interview with hunter here.  and here. AP article on news conference here.

Was This Suppose to Be Funny?

I know this is very serious, and not suppose to be funny, but for some reason it made me laugh. Let me know if you find any humor in this as well. You have to wait until the Fox reporter is trying to run and report at the same time. The way the reporter did there job reminded me of Anchorman. Watch when they are reporting as they are running away from the shooting. Is that really necessary? I would have dropped the mice and took off. When ever Fox News tries to be real reporters it just comes of fake or something. Even when guns are firing in a war zone.

Amy Winehouse Needs To Be Put Down...

Amy Winehouse has been holed up in her crack den for the last month making only one public appearance, and causing controversy by claiming she will release her James Bond song even though no one wants it. Well, last night she made her second appearance of the month, and she did not disappoint. Doing her best "Big Foot of Georgia" impression, Crackhouse wondered the streets of Camden returning to her usual behavior of assaulting innocent bystanders and picking fights with people who have done nothing. I guess a bystander touched her arm concerned about her health and Crackhouse flipped her shit. (video here). Unfortunately she didn't do her "jar jacking" flip out which is my favorite. She chose to go with the more tricky "punch a random person," flip out, which can get her arrested. This time a women "walked into her hand," that just happened to be outstretched and moving at a high rate of speed. Actually, Amy slapped a middle age women and said/yelled/mumbled, "let fucking go of me dickhead," and "your a fucking bitch," as she terrorized Camden attending a fundraiser for her favorite bar that burnt down. That Amy, always looking out for her fans. Its nice to see shes back to her normal self. I almost thought that she was making music and being an artist rather than a crazy-junkie-homeless-big-foot-crackhead. Almost. Thank God she made me see the light. At this point just like that stray cat that has reeked havoc on neighborhood row houses, I think Amy Winehouse needs to be put down.

Olympic Update... Tyson Homosexual to Begin Quest for Olympics Gold

Women's Gymnastics once again made us hold our breadth last night. Are they shorting the US women in scoring? Are those Chinese 16? What the hell is Bella Karoly talking about? Anywhocares, The US got gold and silver in the women's All Around. Nastasia Liukin and Shawn Johnson went 1-2 pretty much dominating the gymnastics even with getting shorted on points. Many thought that there performances were near perfection, but they were not getting the scores that the Chinese were getting. I mean they did win so I don't know what there is to complain about.

The most important thing is the medal count. Are we winning? Well, Here's how it stands with Phelps winning another gold (needing 2 more to beat Spitz. He has one relay and one individual event left) and Nastasia heir to Gold winning her inevitable gold. US leads with total medals with 45 (14 G 13 S 18B), but China leads Gold medals with 26. They have a total of 41 medals (26 G 9S 6B).

Also keep an eye out for Track and Field. As Swimming and Gymnastics run their course, Track and Field will takeover as the big prime time event. World Champion Tyson "Homosexual" will run the 100 meter quarterfinals to day leading to a gig weekend showdown. Keep your eye on that. Also, at last Trampoline will start this weekend with the Men's final on Monday. Can't wait, best event ever!!!!!

Now This is Just Ridiculous....

Apparently Big Foot was found in Georgia. Yeah and cellphones can pop corn kernels. Before we get to that I have to comment on the Chupakabra papped in Texas. Its a Coyote. Come on, that thing does not look like it could kill a Goat!? Regardless I have to post this new video of it on You Tube, because for some reason the person who posted it decided to use Sonic Youth - Teenage Riot as the music for the video. WTF?!?!? Watch it Here:

Now, back to Bigfoot. The Georgian Bigfoot hunters that run a Bigfoot tour business swear that the Deluxe Harry and the Henderson's Halloween costume that they have stuffed into their freezer somewhere in Atlanta is really a Bigfoot. Also, there is more where he came from, which they can conveniently take you to for a price! When they were dragging the 7 foot 500 pound costume out of the forest, more animals showed up to watch them. They claim these "Little feet" are part of a family which they have video footage of. WTF!!!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen CNN and Fox News have covered this story. I mean aren't the Olympics giving 24 hour news stations enough fodder to report on without resorting to Chupakabra and Big Foot stories? I have decided to live blog the news conference!!!!! Here we go:

12:00 p.m. : Nothing Yet - I will return when the press conference starts, or when I figure out that I may have already missed it.

CasiNO is a Go...and We Start This all Over for the Pens...

The state gaming control board approved the transfer over ownership today, and Neil Bluhm now has ownership. Construction will resume Monday!!! Yeah. Bluhm was also transfered the Casino license so Barden is out like a bat out of hell. I think you can still see the tire tread marks in Harrisburg from where Barden floored it high tailing it back to Detroit. Barden still has a 20% interest in the Casino, which is a win for him. It was a good thing this happened today because the Penguins broke ground on their new 290 million dollar arena in uptown today. The Penguins are betting on the Casino being profitable because the Pens were promised 7.5 million a year for thirty years from Casino profits. If  ownership hadn't been transferred there could have been bankruptcy and we would have had two unfinished multimillion dollar projects in Pittsburgh instead of one. County Executive Dan Onaroto says that the funds for the Penguins arena was never in any harm from the Casino disaster because they were already borrowed, but after  the assurances that proved to be lies concerning the North Shore, I wouldn't believe much that officials say. Luckily, it looks as if things are finally going as planned. That Arena could reshape Uptown and the Hill District and turn it into an Arena District like Colombus. I don't want to come off as excited about Pittsburgh, but I am having trouble hiding it!

Whats With the Trannies Lately?

You can't throw a rock in pop culture anymore without hitting a Tranny (just watch the above clip of two of them discussing Tranny stuff). They are everywhere. American pop culture has fallen in love with the transsexual. Just today I was watching the Apprentice/ Hells Kitchen hybrid, I Want to Work For Diddy, and there was a Tranny on it. Further, the talk around town is that Tyra is drumming up publicity for Americas Next Nobody by putting a Tranny on that show. The question everyone is asking is pre or post op?? I mean with Danity Kane, The Pussy Cat Dolls,  I Love New York, Chriss Crocker, and Rupaul's Dragrace chicks with dicks are the new "it" factor in music and entertainment. Trannies are becoming more popular than actual women. Transtasia won a bunch of awards at the Cannes film festival, and Aubrey Odey is in all of the tabloids. I guess this explains why Jenna Jameson did what she did to herself. She was trying to jump on theTranny bandwagon.  Regardless, Trannies are still not completely accepted in society. We will not see true acceptance until we see a NFL quarterback that is a Tranny. Thats the best mental image I could come up with as a joke. Im not sure if this post worked let me know....

Who Needs Michael Phelps When Theres Emily Fox...

I saw this video on Best Week Ever and couldn't help but think about the Olympic events that fall below the radar, and how Olympic moments are infectious. When you are sick of watching all this World Class sporting watch this video and remind yourself that you can be a champion at just about anything. Glory and Inspiration can come from anywhere. Emily Fox will be the next juggler or evolution of dance guy that we will see at corporate events and as the feel good segment on 24 hour news networks.

Casi-NO news...

I haven't done a post in a while about the ongoing Soap Opera that graces the North Shore of Pittsburgh. After the whole ownership thing and the bail out, I kind of lost interest. You know when things start getting better rather than worse you lose the story. I checked the Post Gazette today for my daily North Shore Casino and here's the scoop. Bankruptcy. Neil Bluhm (pictured above) is running around saying that if the Gaming Control Board doesn't approve his proposed takeover of control of the CasiNO from Barden, that the whole thing will go Bankrupt fulfilling my prediction last May about what will happen to the Casino. The gaming board will consider the proposed transfer tomorrow. If it is approved, Mr. Bluhm said Pittsburgh Gaming will close on the financing for the $800 million project Friday and immediately pay casino contractors. Mr. Barden failed to make a $10 million payment due to contractors for work performed in April when he was unable to secure permanent financing. That led him to cut a deal with Mr. Bluhm and his group to take over the project. Mr. Barden would retain a 20 percent interest. So it looks like there is still a very interesting story here. Apparently, Mr. Bluhm said bankruptcy is a near certainty because Mr. Barden is in default of a $200 million bridge loan he used to start construction and is unable to obtain permanent financing for the casino. If Mr. Barden himself doesn't take the project into bankruptcy, the bridge loan lender, Credit Suisse, will. Awesome!!!! Open For business!~!! A lot is riding on this because the Penguins break ground on their new arena within the week and were promised 7 million a year to help finance its cost from the Casino that is now sitting unfinished on the North Shore. Uh Oh. I just don't understand how this could happen. I really think that any Yinzer from Polish Hill could have picked a better person to build a Casino than Barden. How are Pittsburgh/ Pennsylvania politicians so incompetent? Lets just get this thing finished for Christ sake. Actually if we can get contractors back on the job that would be a good thing at this point.

Oh the Drama....

What is with Gymnastics??? Why is there always more plot twists and gasps in an Olympic Gymnastics team competition than a Friday episode of Passions? The team gymnastics unfolded over the last couple of days and so did the tears and cheers. If all the drama is too much for you read this article on Salon to summarize your feelings. First, the rather douchebaggy men's U.S. team surprised everyone and managed to win a Bronze. It was a pretty inspiring competition until the team opened their mouths and you realized they were a bunch of little guys trying to to make up for their size with a Napoleonic complex. The US team lost two of their best gymnasts and had to replace them with alternates. After leading the Chinese and staying in first place, they put everyone on edge and fell into third place only to hold on with a great last routine and win the Bronze. How:

I'm sorry I had to add the American Anthem picture after all that "final routine" talk. Not to be out done by the men, the Women competed today, also down a couple team members due to injury. They were in second place and had an opportunity to beat the Chinese and win the gold, but fell apart on the balance beam, and stepped out of bounds a bunch of times on the floor exercise. They still won the silver which is pretty good without all of their best midgets running around. I have to say that Shawn Johnson must be part Bulldog or something. The girl is built like a line backer, but is the size of Dakota Fanning. She could take out Serena Williams with one close line!!! She is incredible. She never messes up and flips like Sonic the Hedgehog. I wish I could say that this is the last time we will have to give ourselves a headache trying to understand what the hell Bella Karoly is saying but its not. The All Around competition and event finals are still to come.

In other Olympic news Michael Phelps continues to break records adding 2 more gold medals to his mantel of 11. He has become the all time gold medal leader. He has proved that he is not human, is retarded, and is a deformity of human physicality competing on a level that is unimaginable by what ever created man. He won the 200 hundred butterfly and broke the World Record with his goggles filled with water. They should really make him doggy paddle to make this fair to everyone else. He also smashed the 4 x 200 meter relay World Record with the American team going under 7 minutes. They are the first team to break 7 minutes in history beating the previous world record by 4 seconds!! 

China still leads total golds with 14 while US has 9. US leads total medals with 26 while China has 22.  After Gymnastics and Diving is over the US may be able to close the gap on golds and take over the lead. I think Track and Field and BMX biking should give the US an edge.

14 Year Old Brit Blows it...

I could not imagine being the youngest competitor at the Olympics, but 14 year old British diver Tom Daley knows exactly what it feels like. He also, apparently, knows what it feels like to have your partner in synchronized diving pick you up and throw you directly under the tires on the bus. After having their medal hopes eliminated by finishing 8th in last place, Blake Aldridge said this about his 14 year old partner:

"It's a synchro team, there's two of us, and that's the hard thing about it. Both of you have to be on your game at the same time and that just didn't happen today. Thomas is 14 years old... I knew, going into this Olympic Games, that we were capable of a medal, but I also knew that it depended on how Tom performed. I wasn't on the top of my game, but I out-dived Thomas today and that's not something that normally happens. That to me is because he had a lot more pressure on him than I did. I'm not disappointed with my performance. I wasn't at my best but I landed on my head with every single dive, which was my aim. But it was hard work for me today. Tom was very nervous, more so than ever before. I think he really struggled to get through the competition, and as his partner it was hard for me to get up there and try and ease him into it. Unfortunately for me, it didn't work today." He then added "He had a pop at me before the last dive, when we were sitting down. I saw my mum in the audience and I asked her to give me a call and Tom went to me, 'Why are you on the phone? We're still in the competition and we've got another dive to do.' That's just Thomas - he's over-nervous and that's how it was today. Thomas should not be worrying about what I'm doing, but today he was worrying about everyone and everything and that to me is really the sole reason why he didn't perform today."

It could have been worse, but for a 14 year old that is pretty harsh. I think even getting to the Olympics is winning when you are 14, but I guess that is why I am not a champion. He should have just said "Yeah Tom folded like an Accordion. I was perfect but he fucked it up for us and our country. All of our hard work is ruined because of Tom's shitty diving."

Lets Try This Again....

Here is another video of 4 x 100 meter relay Gold Medal race. Watch it before NBC finds out about it and takes it down again. You can watch it at NBC homepage, but Macs need not apply!!

Lets Talk About the Burgh...

With all of this Olympic talk I forgot about covering Pittsburgh news. I do consider this blog a Pittsburgh blog so lets begin. I have three things to let people know about:

1) New American Music Festival was sick. Hopefully this will be an American Eagle tradition because the vibe was great, and seeing that many young people out in Pittsburgh attending something "HIP" was great. The festival was very well run. You would think that it would be a disaster because of how the Works is set up, but it actually worked very well. They let people fill up water bottles instead of raping them on selling bottled water, and you could come and leave the festival at will allowing for people to go to bars, get food, or shop in between sets. I was in the Soffer (mastermind of the Works) VIP party (thanks Vern), so I did not actually go into venue, and I could not hear as well as people in the venue, but I saw enough to know that Gnarles Baerkley should have headlined. They tore that shit up. Dylan played mostly songs I did not know, and he was a slight let down as a headliner. The Racontuers rocked, and Spoon bored me. This was a great thing that I can only hope was a success and will continue every year. BTW I have had delusions for years of doing something like this after being frustrated on how much our city misses out on music festivals or even concerts. Its nice to see it happen.

2) Road Construction!!!! How bad does it suck in Pittsburgh. Penndott decides to do everything in the summer, so it makes our roads which are already difficult to navigate for visitors even more chaotic. The bad news is that local road and bridge projects are falling victim to soaring prices for energy and construction materials. Pennsylvania Department of Transportation officials have estimated they'll need to come up with an unbudgeted $9.2 million just in the local engineering district for automatic price adjustments built into highway construction contracts. PennDOT will make up the difference by delaying, modifying or canceling a like amount of future road and bridge projects, officials said. This means more headaches for us drivers. Fuckin Ey!!!! I am not even going near the piece of shit parkway East. Forget about it. Monroeville is dead to me.

3) Training camp for the Steelers started with two new quarterbacks today after Charlie Batch broke his collar bone in the game against Philly. The day began with two new quarterbacks in camp -- veterans Byron Leftwich and Daunte Culpepper, each of whom passed physicals in the morning in Pittsburgh and came to Saint Vincent College afterward to work out individually for the coaching staff. The day ended with Steelers coach Mike Tomlin receiving a call on his cell phone on the practice field, telling him that Leftwich, 28, had agreed to a one-year, $645,000 contract that included a $40,000 signing bonus. Not bad. Letwich lacks the hometown connection that Batch had, but is still a great number 2 QB. He played last year for Atlanta after five years with Jacksonville. Leftwich may play Thursday against Buffalo if he can learn enough in three days. They released wide reciever Gerran Walker and punter Mitch Berger to allow for Leftwich. They did not have to clear room for the return of nose tackle Casey Hampton -- only on the sidelines. He was taken off the physically unable to perform list and practiced for the first time since he reported to training camp 40 pounds overweight. What a fat ass!!! It is still uncertain wether Casey Hampton will be back Thursday. I hope to see Hampton. He is one of my favorites.

And there we go, back to the Olympics. I will aslo try to do a celebrity gossip type post to keep the work day interesting.

Stupid Frogs!!!

Last night had undoubtedly one of the greatest Olympics moments in sports history. (The video is above but I think NBC pulled it from you tube). If that doesn't work follow this link. The United States men's 4 x 100 Freestyle beat the reigning world champion French team by 8 one hundredths of a second. It came down to a touch finish with the United States catching and beating the French in the last 5 meters. The excitement and thrill of the race was everything NBC wishes for. The bad blood between both teams was a story in itself. The French had said that they were going to smash the U.S team doing what a wrecking ball does to a building. This only inspired the Americans (who broke the world record in the semifinals only to take out a swimmer and replace him with Phelps to allow Phelps to chase Spitz's record). The Americans trailed the French by 0.60 seconds in the final 50 metres. Heading to the wall for France was Alain Bernard, the world-record holder in the 100 freestyle, with American Jason Lezak (the oldest swimmer on the team) giving chase. Lezak not only caught Bernard but split the fastest ever recorded 100 meter at 46.06. The Americans were body lengths in front of the world record they previously set smashing with a time of 3 minutes 8.24 seconds. So the only smashing that went on with the Americans was the world record. That shut up the French and will make for a great 100 meter Freestyle with Bernard. If you haven't seen this race I would definitely try to catch it on the million replays that NBC will be playing. It is incredible and has everything that you want when watching a sporting event. Behind the one footed Kerri Shrugg vault, I don't think any Olympic moment can touch this in shear glory. It will forever be played over inspiring music. In other Olympic news the United States has 12 total medals only three of which are gold. China has 14 medals with 9 golds, and South Korea has 8 medals 4 golds (Archery cleaned up). Women's Gymnastics started last night and so did the drama. What is with this sport. I guess our team is injured or something, and so the story begins.

Someone Has Way To Much Time on Their Hands....

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This will be making its rounds on the 24 hour political news stations, so I am sure you may have already seen it. MSNBC and Fox News will milk the shit out of this. If you have not seen this, here you go. Barrack actually kind of sounds like Rick Astey. I would like to see someone do this with John McCain. The boring soft monotony of his voice would actually work way better. Plus his awkward physical stance and arms would make for a pretty amusing video. This opens a whole world of opportunity. They could do all kinds of different songs. "I kissed a Girl," "Justify My Love," "Superman." The response videos and remixes of this on You Tube will be fucking awesome. 

Medal Count...

Chins is pulling ahead in the medal race with a total of 8 medals six of which are gold. The United States have 8 total medals as well, but only 5 are gold. South Korea surprisingly is making a strong showing with 5 medals of which 3 are gold. South Korea performed very well in Archery. Meanwhile China is dominating Badminton, easily moving threw the brackets on top. China added to their medal count with wins in shooting, 3m synchronized springboard, weightlifting, and Judo. The US swimmers are doing well with one gold won by Phelps and 3 bronzes and a silver going to other members of the team. Off topic, did you know that many swimmers either masturbate or have sex before a race? I was a swimmer and I remember hearing that many Olympic swimmers do this because it relaxes them. There is some freaky shit going on in that cube. Also did anyone notice the smog during rowing? The athletes are rowing through early 2oth century Pittsburgh. Keep an eye out for Ryan Hall in the marathon. He is supposed to be incredible. Tennis will also start soon. Rafeal Nadal should tear shit up!

Chef Died!!!

Following the loss of a great American comedian Bernie Mac (Mac passed away from complications due to pneumonia), we have now lost a great American musician Isacc Hayes. Haynes was found unconscious earlier today next to his treadmill. He was rushed to the hospital, but was unable to be revived. Hayes was best known as the singer for "Shaft," and as the voice of chef on South Park. He will be greatly missed and the children of South Park will be lacking in their education of love and life.

Is Michael Phelps Retarded?

Michael Phelps may be the best athlete to ever compete in any sport. Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer. None of them, arguably, dominate a sport like Phelps. Already 8 medals. Maybe 8 more. But, the question that we all ask is... Is Phelps retarded? Maybe not -can't -support- self retarded, but I'm talking about slow. Can a person be that focused on winning and training without be distracted by insecurity, doubt, self awareness, or life questions, which aren't things that dumb people can relate to. Obviously his physical condition is a deformity, but is his mental condition also a deformity? He sure sounds retarded when he talks. Am I right or am I right? Right? Is this something that needs to be discussed probably not. Does he qualify for special olympics? I don't know. Am I going to hell? Yes. See you all there. Michael Phelps broke his own world record by 2 seconds winning his first gold of Beijing. Career gold medal 7, 3 away from breaking all the records. US leads overall with 8 medals. China has Gold medal lead with 3. 

First Medal Update...

Well Phelps already broke the 400 IM Olympic record in the prelims. Tonight is the only shot of anyone beating him at all. Most swimmers are shooting for second against Phelps. Tonight fellow American may have a shot to beat him in the 400IM finals. Follow this link to get all the updates. The US has gotten all of their medals from fencing which they swept. China is in the lead for golds with 2. US is in over all lead with 3 medals.

New American Union Festival Today!!!

I always complain about Pittsburgh, but today there is actually something going on like other cities. Of course I forgot to get tickets. American Eagle Outfitters, who just transfered their corporate headquarters to the South Side Works, is sponsoring the New American Union Festival at the South Side Works. It started yesterday, and continues today with Gnarles Barkley, Black Mountain, Raconteurs, Spoon, and Bob Dylan and his band. I've posted the schedule above. Tickets are sold out, but I am sure that there are a million ways to sneak in considering the South Side Works is an open venue. Also I guess Anthony Keidiss of Chilly Peppers is hosting the event. If you are interested, make your way to the South Side. I was there yesterday and it was a cluster fuck of epic proportions. Good Luck...

Story of the Week... Truly Crazy Dog Cloning Lady!

This is without a doubt the best story in the blogosphere of the week (Well Princess Chunk could give it a run for its money or the guy who put a hammer up his ass). Not that paying 50,000 dollars to clone your dead dog is not enough to get a title of story of the week, but we now find out that Bernann McKinney is far more insane than any of us could have hoped for. I will leave you the links to read the wholoe story, but basically McKinney made headlines in the 70's for being a beauty queen who kidnapped a morman man she was obsessed with, followed him to Europe, raped him, then again stalked him decades later. She has gone from Miss Wyoming to hooker, to drug addict, to Mime (yes the white face painted type), to a nun, to paying 50,000 to clone her dog. After being arrested for raping the Mormon she said " I would ski naked down Mount Everest with a carnation up my nose to be with him." Who is to say she hasn't!!? Read these links to fully grasp the crazyness of this women.