pop culture, pittsburgh, and potpouri

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Pittsburgh Meta-Rivalry...


So the big thing taking every one's mind of the bleak tundra style weather that magnifies all of Pittsburgh's flaws is Playoff Football. This is not an uncommon thing in Pittsburgh since the Steelers almost inevitably end up in the post-season every year. Regardless, it is a great way for us Yinzers to come together, stop complaining about our city, and collectively cheer on the Steelers in hopes that they temporary return the Burg to the 1970's (and Feb 2006) glory that the Superbowl win briefly creates. We are two wins away, and the first team in our way are the Ravens.

With the post season comes the rivalries and rivalry of rivalries. Soon mayors will be making harmless politically calculated bets and Ray Lewis will say something controversial like always. But, this year that dirty, no good, Pittsburgh wannabe city of Baltimore has taken it one step to far. Baltimore Sun writer Kevin Cowherd (Coward? Cowher? Ironic?), whom I would personally attack if it wasn't for The Wire, has gone after Primanti Brothers sandwiches in an attempt at good old fashion muckraking. Cowherd says that the sandwiches aren't good for you and that the french fries look like worms. What, are you scared of Primanti's Kevin? Ok Ill stop...

Now you can attack our crappy city anyway you want Mr. Cowherd. You can push our aging population in our faces, our lack of useful public transportation, or even our bafoonery in attempting to get a casino built, but don't you dare even say a word about our sloppy-greasy- grade F meat sandwiches. There is no food more sacred in this city than sandwiches eaten by the most obnoxiously drunk 20 somethings post 2 am on any given Friday or Saturday night. How dare you say that a sandwich with egg and french fries served in a place where homeless people are slow dancing with the toilet is anything other than 6 star culinary masterpiece!!!!

Its on Mr. Cowherd. Your Natty Boh beer and UTZ chips suck, and after a google search I found out your responsible for Tori Amos and Abercrombie and Fitch (so basically gay). Ill take John Waters, The Wire, Charms City Cakes, and Bmore Club jams, but aside from that your city sucks, and you know it. Everyone in the world knows that the Baltimore accent is just a low rent version of the Pittsburghees, and the Pittsburgh Passion can totally kick the Baltimore Burn's vagina! Just keep in mind that the Steelers are going to win come Sunday and a whole lot of Baltimore fans will be sobering up, nursing their hangover, or using a toilet in a Primanti Brother's somewhere downtown. Black and Gold baby!!!

1 comment:

8 said...

Love it. GO STILLERS!