How fitting that on our nation's birthday we celebrate and chest thump the excess, waste, and gluttony that has come to define our great nation through exactly that- excess, waste, and gluttony. We commemorate our Independence the one way we know how...with a Nathans Hot God eating competition. Yes brothers and sisters the Nathans Hot Dog Eating Championship was held today at the legendary Coney Island, and boy did it pull through and entertain. It was by far one of the best eating competitions ever held. It had all the makings of a classic. The major players in the sport showed up and brought their A game. Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas, Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti, Tim "Eater X" Janus, Joey "Jaws" Chesnut (current world record holder with 66 and 2007 champion), and Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi all made the trip and brought their abnormally huge appetites with them.
The rules were slightly changed this year making it a ten minute competition instead of a twelve. To some, this put the legendary Kobayashi (who has won the contest 6 times only to be upset last year by Chesnut) at a disadvantage because of his slow methodical start. The gun fired and Chestnut quickly pulled ahead, with cheeks puffed, as he crammed hot dogs into his mouth. At one point, the 24-year-old Californian led Kobayashi 14 to 11. Kobayashi fell to third place, but ate his way back and the two went dog-to-dog in the final stretch. A photo finish declared that there was a tie of 59 hot dogs and buns after the initial ten minutes. This set the stage for one of the most thrilling and nerve racking events in sports, beating out penalty shots in Hockey and sudden death shoot outs in Soccer. The 5 hot dog eat-off. Whoever can eat 5 hot dogs and buns the fastest takes the title. After taking a pause to swallow between eating the hot dogs and the soaking wet buns, Kobayashi fell behind and Joey Chesnut took advantage of the slip up winning the title. Take that Fareed Zakaria!!! If there is one thing that the United States should be number one in and remain number one in, it is competitive eating!!! Chesnut retained his title, was awarded 10,000 dollars, kept the coveted Mustard-Yellow champions belt, and is guaranteed 7 consecutive days of diarrhea and heart burn. It should also be mentioned that Sonya "Black Widow" Thomas, who finished fifth, broke the worlds women record with 33 hot dogs, and this was the first time since 1916 that the original ten minute format was used.