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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Mad Scientist of Drunk...

A professor at CMU has managed to get himself 3 DUI's in 8 days. Yes 3. Professor Jeffory Hunker, a professor in the H. John Heinz III School of Public Policy and Management and former dean of the school, was initially cited Aug. 17, after police said he drove through a neighbor's yard on Squirrel Hill Avenue, ran over a small tree, smashed into a car and then slammed into a house. And that was before he had a drink, just kidding. His blood alchol was .262. Since that morning, city police have charged him with DUI two more times, most recently on Sunday, and police say he also has a prior conviction for DUI.  You know this intellectual is an avid reader of the Modern Drunkard Magazine. The former computer seucrity director in the Clinton administration continues to drive after repeated DUI's and neighbors are beginning to worry. After the initial accidents witness's say that Hunker tried to get back into the car and drive away. Police nexted stopped "DrHunker" on North Craig street after noticing his BMW with heavy rear end damaged. When they pulled him over he mumbled some shit and failed a field sobriety test. His BAC was .173. His final DUI on Sunday resulted when neighbors called saying that Dr. Drunk was suicidal. When police arrived Professor Hooch ( I could go on forever) was gone in a new BMW. As police questioned neighbors they saw the car pass. Police pulled him over, and he was uncooperative in taking the breathalyzer. He later admitted to drinking a pint of Vodka. The car has not been seen at Drunker's house in the past couple days, so be on the look out for a BMW terrorizing the streets of Oakland and Squirrel Hill.

This is no laughing matter and is very sad, but getting 3 DUI's in 8 days is a pretty remarkable feet that needs to be recognized in the reckless -life -sucks department. This guy must be one major drunk. I can only imagine what his lectures are like. If you take notes they probably look exactly like my notes when I am falling asleep during class. I bunch of chicken scratch with words that don't make sense slanting down to the line below.

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