Aside from being an incredible festival of music that kicks off the summer festival season, Coachella also happens to be the place where celebrities go to pretend that they are cool. You know Paris Hilton and Cameron Diaz call their manager or publicist and ask them to find out who the coolest most hip band is at the festival, so they can make sure they are photographed in the audience or pretending to mouth the lyrics. This years posers were Shia Labouf, Agyness Deyn, Elijah Wood (who is a legitimate music nerd), David Hassellhoff (picture above with Gorgol Bordello), Sean Penn, Paris Hilton, Melanie Griffith, Jessica Alba, Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, Danny Devito and Sienna Miller just to name a few. If musicians haven't yet been seduced into celebrity, Coachella is the place that gives them that first taste of idol worship. Many bands are indie bands that could never dream about socializing with the likes of Sean Penn or David Hassellhoff. When they do, they sell their soul to the devil, and it is all down hill from there. Pretty soon they will start demanding Crystal at their shows at the Smell. It is always funny to see the paparazzi there to take pictures of the celebrities instead of the bands. There is always this weird cataclysmic media identification issue that occurs in my head when I see a celebrity photographed with a Coachella musician. Is the celebrity being covered? The musician? The festival? You can see the manifestation of this on celebrity blogs and the way they cover Coachella. They usually post a picture of a celebrity saying they are at Coachella, but ignore the fact that there were great bands there. For example, Just Jared's coverage of Shia Lebouf shirtless, with the obligatory comment about Prince closing the show. What is best is when there is a picture of a musician who is also a celebrity like Mark Ronson, Jared Leto, or Scralett Johansson. The celebrity blogs eyes just go crossed trying to figure how to approach the anomaly.
I wasn't at the festival so I can't report on the music, but the best "gossip" to come out of the festival had to be the arrest of CSI actor Gary Dourdan. He was found passed out in his car at 5:21 in the morning in possession of heroin, ecstasy, cocaine, and prescription drugs. The only thing that could have made this better was the addition of a prostitute, preferably a tranny. I guess that he is taking up drug dealing after leaving CSI at the seasons end. Or, which is always my favorite celebrity excuse for bad behavior, he could have been going method for a role. Hey, Hugh Laurie experimented with Vicodin for House. I have heard crazier things. Gary should just say that he was going method as a drug addicted dealer for a role. I am sure a lot of people would fall for it. This story is great because we, of course, get a celebrity mug shot. I really need to find my card deck made up of celebrity mug shots. I have always wanted to design a line of coffee mugs that have celebrity mug shots on them. I shouldn't have said that huh. Well that is evidence of my idea, and anyone who copies can look forward to a lawsuit. I will be lawyer in two weeks so beware!!!
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